My first live Mania. It was definitely a thing that happened.
Commentary: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole and the King
- We actually showed up for this show while Rock was speaking and I missed a bit of the middle due to other shenanigans so this will be my first full review of this.
- Keri Hilson is out for America the Beautiful. No complaints here.
- The Rock is our host. Dude seemed genuinely happy to be back. Shockingly he was way over. I know. I’m surprised too. He doesn’t say much but does mock Cena a bit. The crowd didn’t care though. Dude could have read the phone book and people would have cheered.
- Neat. A commercial for the show we are watching. Good video package though.
- This was peak Michael Cole terrible so I’ll be frustrated early and often.
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge (w/Christian) v Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez/Broadus Clay)
It’s wild thinking how differently life goes for these guys. Seeing Edge doing dives really scares the shit out of me knowing how bad his health was. There was something severely lacking with this match and we can put it squarely in the dude working the arm the entire time. I’m glad Edge has returned because this would have been a boring ass match to go out on. 0-1
Winner: Edge with the spear.
- Edge and Christian destroy Alberto’s car to really rub it in. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
- Michael Cole was the worst.
Cody Rhodes v Rey Mysterio
Ah yes, ugly Cody, liked it a lot. Rey has some sweet Captain America themed gear for this one which I also dig. This was a little slower paced but it made sense with the story they were trying to tell about Cody going crazy. Michael Cole was again the worst part of this as there is a fine line between being a heel and being so obnoxious that people want to mute their television. Still the match was fine. 1-2
Winner: Cody after a shot with a knee brace and a Cross Rhodes.
The Corre (Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel/Ezekial Jackson/Wade Barrett) v Big Show/Kane/Santino/ Kofi Kingston
Kofi was replacing Kozlov. I’d call that an upgrade. Absolutely nothing to this though. The poor Corre got destroyed here. Eh. Oh well. 1-3
Winners: Big Show and company after a Cobra and WMD.
- The Rock is with Divas Champion Eve. Smell that Women’s Revolution WWE. The Rock is going to make moments for her. Mae wants some of the People’s Strudel. Rock avoids that but still gets his ass slapped. Austin arrives next and the crowd explodes. We get a Mega Powers handshake out of them.
- We recap the long Punk/Orton angle.
Randy Orton v CM Punk
Punk was juuuuuust about there as a made man at this point. You could argue that this was the pinnacle year for both guys as far as in ring stuff went. Hell of a match with both guys doing what they did very well. Add in the fact that there is actually a backstory involved that makes sense? No way I’m not giving this a point. 2-4
Winner: Randy with an RKO out of a Punk springboard mistake.
- Rock is with Mean by God Gene. Apparently Cena’s number one fan Pee Wee Herman is here to face the Rock. We get a faceoff between Gene and Pee Wee. This was a thing that happened. Rock almost lost it.
- Time for the Hall of Fame deal with Fink.
Abdullah the Butcher
Sunny (Frowny face, she looked great and threw it away again.)
Road Warriors (RIP Hawk)
Drew Carey (fart noise)
Bullet Bob Armstrong
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
And headliner Shawn Michaels.
- Recap of the previous Cole/King deal.
- Booker and JR join Josh on commentary.
- We have to listen to Cole do a “comedy” monologue on the way to the ring and it’s almost as bad as his commentary.
Stone Cold Special Referee: Michael Cole (w/Jack Swagger) v Jerry Lawler
Fuck this match. It had no chance of being good and the fact that they decided to put the worst character on the show over to continue what was already a dead and unbelievable story made it worse. Jesus. Oh. I did like King’s entrance gear but still. 2-5
Winner: Michael Cole after some bullshit that I refuse to recap. Seriously fuck all of this.
- Hey. At least we got to see a Stunner/Spinaroonie and some beers get put down before the stupid anonymous General Manager deal. Josh probably deserved his Stunner as well if only for his TNA work.
- Time to recap Mania week.
- Undertaker/HHH recap.
No Holds Barred: HHH v Undertaker
I really wish the awesome entrance music survived to the Network version. This still holds up. Both of these dudes just refused to have a bad match on this night and pulled out a classic and stole the show. They were 3 for 3 in good Mania matches in all honesty. Two all time greats earned that distinction here on the biggest stage. 3-6
Winner: Undertaker survived with Hell’s Gate.
- Undertaker is carted out following his win.
- Don’t try this at home dummies. Although everyone I know including myself totally did.
- Vickie was over man. She also looked good and Lawler still makes a fat joke. What a dick.
Dolph’s music sucked. What didn’t suck? Brunette Trish. Respectfully. Wowsa. Match sucked though obviously. Waste of talent. 3-7
Winners: Team Jersey Shore after a splash from Snooki.
- The cast from Tough Enough is here. I think one made it maybe.
- Record attendance 71,617.
- The Miz music video is still awesome.
- I liked Cena’s choir deal as well.
I love Miz. I’m glad he was able to regain the belt this year. But. He was not ready for the spot he was in and the crowd was just waiting for someone to beat him. Not in the cool way but in the we don’t believe in this guy way. The ending seemed screwed up and Rock made both guys look like shit as well. I’m sure this match is one of the reasons this show is judged so harshly. They dropped the ball. 3-8
Winner: Miz retained after a Rock Bottom.
- Rock beat up Miz too because why not? No one believed in him anyway. Oh well. At least we got a People’s Elbow.