Hey! Big Daddy Cool! Diesel! Toot Toot!
Commentary: Vince McMahon and Jerry “The King” Lawler
A Special Olympian sings America the Beautiful. Kick ass job too.
Allied Powers v Jacob & Eli Blue (w/ Uncle Zebekiah)
Lex went from wrestling for the title to fighting Nazis in the opener in one short year. This was actually ok when the Powers were on offense but sadly that wasn’t enough to make this good. 0-1
Winners: The Powers after a shitty sunset flip on a Nazi.
JR tries to interview Zeb but it doesn’t go well. Sore loser.
NYPD Blue guy is with Jenny McCarthy and no sound. Obvious the best Jenny McCarthy.
This doesn’t feel like WrestleMania at ALL.
Kid and Razor are backstage with the terrible audio still.
The Kid is dressed like he should be in Miami Connection.
Intercontinental Championship: (C) Jeff Jarrett (w/ The Roadie) v Razor Ramon (w/ 1-2-3 Kid)
Pretty good match with a dog shit ending. Way better than the opener as both sides at least pretended like they wanted to put on a good show. Also way less Nazis. So huzzah. 1-2
Winner: Razor by DQ after the Roadie interfered.
JR is ashamed of Double J. He doesn’t seem bothered.
NYPD guy is back in the green room. Luckily Shawn comes in to save the segment before McCarthy talks all the boys in to avoiding their booster shots.
The Million Dollar Corporation stole the urn at the Rumble. Sigh.
Todd Pettengill interviews an old football player. I get another bottle of water.
King Kong Bundy (w/ Ted DiBiase) v The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer)
Fun fact from Vince, The Undertaker has never lost at WrestleMania. I wonder if that will come up again? American League Umpire Larry Young is referee if you give a shit about that sort of thing. This match was so shitty that they interrupted it so JR could interview Kama the Supreme Voodoo Pimping Machine about stealing the urn. Bundy sucked here and the Undertaker wasn’t equipped at this point to help that. 1-3
Winner: The Undertaker after a shitty flying clothesline.
NYPD Blue guy is still stalking Pamela Anderson. Mongo McMichael and the boys arrive to talk shit. Terribly. He then runs into Backlund and the Home Improvement kid with the hair playing chess. Garbage.
Owen is here to save the show. He announces his mystery tag team partner for tonight…
The Gunns seem confident but they are dumb as hell so who cares.
Tag Team Championship: Owen Hart/ Yokozuna (w/ Mr. Fuji/Jim Cornette) v (C)Smoking Gunns
My god poor Yoko looked heavier than ever here. He was moving alright but was blown up like immediately. On a positive note Owen ruled and everyone did their jobs. I’ll take it. 2-4
Winners: Owen finally wins a title after the Bonzai drop, which got a huge pop.
The Zit Year blimp flies inside the building.
Bam Bam and Todd talk about the LT feud and main event.
“I Quit” Match (Special Referee Roddy Piper): Bob Backlund v Bret “The Hitman” Hart
I liked this way better than I remember. The actual competitors did pretty well and it didn’t drag. Piper was terrible though. Easily the worst performer in this particular match. But I’m still giving it a point regardless. 3-5
Winner: Bret Hart after the Cross Face Chicken Wing. Also, all indie wrestlers should watch how these guys apply it to learn how to do it.
JR tried to interview Bob right after the match but he’s even loonier than normal.
NYPD guy can’t find Pam still.
Todd is with Big Daddy Cool. Nash cuts a bad promo that doesn’t meet his standards.
JTT is the special time keeper. The guest Ring announcer is NYPD Blue guy.
WWE Championship: Shawn Michaels (w/ Psycho Sid and Jenny McCarthy) v (C) Diesel (w/Pamela Anderson)
Shawn was bumping his ass off to steal the show out there and most definitely did. Poor Diesel had a great match but the size difference made Shawn way more than it helping Diesel at all. Damn good one. 4-6
Winner: Diesel retains after Shawn takes the worst powerbomb in history.
JR tried to interview Shawn and Sid. Sid screams a bunch.
Diesel celebrates with the “celebrities”.
Todd tries the same interview JR did. Shawn is pissed. Sid repeats Shawn just 24 hours before he turns his back on him.
Both teams get their own introductions. Mongo cheap shot Kama before the match and both teams act like they wanna go.
Bam Bam tries to intimidate Salt-N-Pepa before they perform LT to the ring. (Not on Peacock though, we get generic music #4.)
Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ The Corporation) v Lawrence Taylor (w/ All-Pro Team)
Even though it has been eclipsed by other celebrity matches this one still holds up pretty well. Taylor did an admirable job and Bam Bam took some shots like a champ. Good times. 5-7
Winner: LT after several brutal forearms.
Dibiase reads Bigelow the riot act all the way to the back.
Final Tally? 5-7 This was a way better show than I remember it being and at less than 3 hours was an easy watch.
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