Contains what still may be my favorite match.

3/23/97

Chicago, Illinois

Commentary: Vince, JR and King

  • The usual great video kicks us off and covers the event.
  • We see a video of the original Blackjacks before cutting to Pettingil with the new version. Barry was built like me and that’s not a compliment.

4-way Elimination: The Headbangers v The New Blackjacks v Furnas/Lafon v The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim)

This was not would I would call good. There were some big beefy boys in there but didn’t do enough Hoss-like stuff for me. Plus the Headbangers sucked, Furnas/Lafon were beige, and the New Blackjacks weren’t over ever. The Godwins were alright I guess. Still 0-1

Winner: The Bangers get the win after a Stagedive from Mosh on Phineas. They earned a title shot the next night.

  • In Your House returns April 20th.
  • Honky Tonk Man joins us on commentary.


Intercontinental Championship: (C) Rocky Maivia v The Sultan (w/Iron Sheik/Bob Backlund)

Look. We all love the Rock. He was amazing. But. This wasn’t the Rock yet and neither of these guys were as good as they would become later. Just a God awful match that wasn’t worthy of WrestleMania. I almost gave it a point for Honky’s country ass on commentary but I couldn’t pull the trigger. Sorry Rock. 0-2

Winner: Rocky with a roll-up. How dominant.

  • JR tried to interview him following the win but the heels attack 3 on 1. Finally Rocky Johnson comes out to save his kid. Sultan took him out too though while his former partner Tony Atlas just watched from the crowd while Rocky 2 makes his own save.
  • Pettingill is with Shamrock. He will not be intimidated.
  • Dok is with Hunter and Chyna. Goldust and Marlena need to watch themselves apparently.


Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna) v Goldust (w/Marlena)

Technically this was fine but I’m not giving out star ratings I’m giving out enjoyment points. Painfully boring and not something that aged well. Hunter was still not where he needed to be charisma wise and Goldust’s character didn’t lend itself to mat classics at the time. Strike three. 0-3

Winner: Hunter with the Pedigree while Chyna murdered Marlena with a bear hug on the floor. Marlena sold the shit out of that for real.

  • Goldust tried to console Marlena in the ring before carrying her to the back.
  • Shawn Michaels does his “can’t use a computer” bit again in the back.
  • JR stops the tag champs for an interview before the match and tries to stir shit up.

World Tag Team Championships: (C) Owen Hart/Davey Boy Smith v Vader/Mankind (w/Paul Bearer)

I love all four dudes obviously. The face/heel dynamic was a bit screwed up but everyone was at least making an attempt to not bore the living shit out of me so I respect that. Other than the ending being garbage this was good enough for me. 1-4

Winner: The champs retain via Double Count Out after Foley locked the Claw in on Davey outside the ring. Dummy.

  • They continue to go at each other after the match. Bulldog was out.
  • Recap of the Austin/Hart issue.
  • Shamrock is wearing a Vince approved child sized referee shirt.
  • Man that broken glass entrance STILL gets me.

Submission/Special Referee Ken Shamrock: Bret Hart v Steve Austin

This holds up. No wasted motion. Tons of intensity. An amazing story. Two performers at the very top of their game delivering the performance of a lifetime. The crowd was deeply into this as much as me. Was this the greatest match of all time? I honestly don’t know if I can answer that question but I do know if it’s not in the conversation then there should not a BE a conversation. Hell yes this is a point. Five million fucking stars. 2-5

Winner: Bret gets the dub when Austin passed out in the Sharpshooter. But Steve never said he quit. Simply amazing.

  • Bret attacks again after the match to solidify himself as a piece of shit before Shamrock makes the save. Bret leaves to a chorus of boos. Meanwhile Steve fights back to his feet refuses help and nails a referee with a Stunner like the toughest dude on the planet while people chant his name. God damnit. Goosebumps.
  • They show the ring covered in blood. Awesome.
  • Pettingil is with the Nation. Farooq doesn’t play.
  • My god. The PG-13 rap entrance. Amazing.
  • Next year Mania will be in Boston.

Chicago Street Fight: The Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson v Farooq/ Crush/Savio Vega (w/The Nation)

I don’t know why. I really don’t. But I liked this wild ass brawl. It’s crazy because ain’t no way this was five stars but it was fun and the crowd dug it as well. Sometimes the best pleasures are the simplest and big dudes hitting one another with shit is definitely a simple pleasure. 3-6

Winners: The babyface team after hitting Crush with a 2×4 clothesline.

  • The Nation tried to attack after the match but that only resulted in a Pearl River Plunge on D-Lo and a double Doomsday Device on PG-13.
  • April 20th In Your House returns. Again.

  • Shawn arrives to help call the main event. A “knee injury” kept him out of the show this year. Poor guy. Luckily he gets a ten minute entrance that included in ring fireworks.
  • Pettingill is with Sid. Shockingly Sid flubs his line. He’s not scared of the Undertaker though so there’s that.
  • Undertaker wearing his original gear for this trying desperately to make it special.
  • Bret comes out and talks shit to Shawn, Taker and Sid. What a dick. Sid Powerbombs him all the way to the back. Sadly that will come back to haunt him.

WWE Championship: (C) Sid v The Undertaker

I was big-time team Sid at this point. Sadly it didn’t work out. Watching but back it still doesn’t. The only exciting parts in the match are when Bret Hart shows up. Just super slow and at the disadvantage of following a couple of fun matches. They tried but after the first couple of minutes they just couldn’t keep it going. 3-7

Winner: Undertaker wins his second Championship after a Tombstone following a Bret distraction.

  • Undertaker celebrates as we all do, with purple mood lighting and fake thunder and lightning.

Final Tally? 3-7 Not the worst WrestleMania in history but it was almost completely saved by Bret/Austin. I’d say that’s the one you need to see. Sadly Peacock makes this shit impossible at this point. Screw it. It’s less than 3 hours so just fast forward through the first hour and suck it up.

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