I’m going to have Big Time stuck in my head for a month.
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Commentary: JR, King, Tazz & Cole
- Michelle Williams sings America the Beautiful.
- Our WrestleMania video is good as always.
World Tag Team Championships: (C) Kane/Big Show v Carlito/Chris Masters.
Carlito was over as hell and it’s hard to believe he looks better now than he did in 06. I can honestly say that this was a match that happened. Nothing really bad about it but completely forgettable in every way. 0-1
Winner: Champs retain after some heel miscommunication and a Kane Chokeslam.
- Masters and Carlito have issues following.
- Coach is here with HBK. His eye still looks normal here. He promises violence. Vince is going to hell.
Money In The Bank: Rob Van Dam v Shelton Benjamin v Ric Flair v Matt Hardy v Finlay v Lashley
The second ever MITB. I miss having these matches at Mania as opposed to the gimmick PPV. Hell of a match and with the talent involved that is not shocking. Seeing Ric in a match like this is still wild even years later. Really fun and an easy point. Hell Matt’s bump to the floor at the end was worth a point. 1-2
Winner: RVD via case retrieval.
- Josh Matthews and his boy band hair are with Mean Gene. He discusses his bar tab but gets interupted by Randy. It’s crazy how much better he is on the mic now. Oh crap Batista is here in a bad ass suit. Drax fucking rules.
- Bret will not be here tonight because he’s a big baby but Fink introduces the other Hall of Fame folks.
Vickie and Chavo representing Eddie. Huge pop for that. Beautiful moment.
United States Championship: (C) Chris Benoit v JBL (w/Jillian Hall)
I wanted to hate this for several reasons but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t that bad. I always have to overcome the obvious stuff with Chris and JBL usually phones shit in but they kept it short and to the point. As usual I need to remind everyone that Benoit’s music was awesome. 2-3
Winner: JBL via a roll-up and rope shenanigans.
- We recap Edge/Foley. Also 2006 Lita. RESPECTFULLY. Hell of a deal here.
- Joey Styles joins the booth because he was allowed to call hardcore matches apparently.
Hardcore match: Mick Foley v Edge (w/Lita)
Duh. This match was fun right from the get go and Mick went out of his way to make Edge. This was well within the wheelhouse of both dudes and they out on a classic. Even Lita bled in this damn thing. It would have gotten a point just for the ending but the rest was more than worthy. Foley just didn’t care as long as the match was good. 3-4
Winner: Edge with a spear through a flaming table.
- Everyone looks worse for the wear following that madness. Big Foley chant for Mick.
- Sharmell and Booker are freak magnets apparently. We get Burchill the pirate, Eugene getting scammed by the Million Dollar Man, Snitsky licking Mae’s feet and Goldust dressed as Oprah. This was something that happened. “Comedy”.
- Tod Grisham is with some Snickers ticket winners.
- Joe Theisman is here.
- Michelle Williams stayed.
The Boogeyman v Booker T/Sharmell
I know you might be expecting me to hand the Boogeyman a five star rating but shockingly this was not very good. The character was fun but the wrestler never put it together. Booker deserved better. Although I think he partially trained the dude so maybe not. Shame. 3-5
Winner: Boogeyman with the tree slam.
- We recap the Mickie/Trish deal.
WWE Women’s Championship: (C) Trish Stratus v Mickie James
Heck of a match. The crowd was into it from the beginning and they told a good story. Mickie as crazy stalker somehow had the fans almost completely on her side was a bit weird. Trish sold the leg injury the entire way and they did some nice work on it. Yeah, the kept the crotch grab but edited out the finger lick. Other than the ending being slightly iffy this lived up to the hype. 4-6
Winner: Mickie with a Chick Kick.
- Vince is getting hyped up by all the McMahons. The most orange I have seen a human. We get to see the very first McMahon family prayer. Apparently he’s sending Shawn to hell. It’s a theme.
- A recap of Henry costing Undertaker the World Heavyweight Championship.
Casket match: Undertaker v Mark Henry
This was just a bit before Mark Henry became super awesome so don’t expect a classic. I’m fact other than the Undertaker doing his cool WrestleMania dive (over a casket) this just was not very good. Plus Mark didn’t even have his cool music here on Peacock for some reason. Nah. 4-7
Winner: Undertaker after a Tombstone and the casket thing. 14-0
- We recap Shawn/Vince.
No Holds Barred: Shawn Michaels v Vince McMahon
Do you like watching Vince McMahon get his ass kicked? Then here you go. Shawn could have a good match with me so doing it with Vince wasn’t much of a stretch. Even Shane took one for the team in there (physically and psychology). I could have done without a Spirit Squad appearance but that’s a small gripe. Oh, and JR using a slur then backing it down immediately. Mr. WrestleMania delivers again though. 5-8
Winner: Shawn after total destruction concluding with Sweet Chin Music.
- Vince flips off Shawn from the stretcher in an awesome bit.
- We recap the World Heavyweight Championship situation.
- Rey gets a live rendition of his theme by P.O.D. and a sweet Aztec headdress so you had to see that win coming.
World Heavyweight Championship/Triple Threat: (C) Kurt Angle v Rey Mysterio v Randy Orton
I love all these dudes but I was big mad in 06 when Kurt got beat. This was a little bit in the shorter side but they definitely made the most of what time they did have. Plus I got to hear Burn in My Light and Kurt kicked out of the RKO. So obviously this thing is getting a point. 6-9
Winner: Rey wins the title after a West Coast Pop on Randy.
- Rey’s family celebrates in the crowd. I feel old in response. Chavo and Vickie greet him on the ramp to honor Eddie again. The real miracle in this entire deal is Chavo having more hair now than he did then.
- We see Cena and The Game getting ready. The crowd made their decision already. Loud Cena sucks chants from the crowd and JR and King are already spinning that like it’s the fans being crazy.
Playboy Pillow Fight: Candice Michelle v Torrie Wilson
I mean it’s two attractive ladies that end up in their undies. I mean, it’s not a terrible thing to look at but no way is it a point. 6-10
Winner: Torrie with a roll-up.
- Well. I wonder how Cena and HHH will follow that classic?
- Recap of the WrestleMania presser.
- We get the HHH Conan the Barbarian entrance. Bow down to the King I guess.
- Cena gets the Chicago Gangster entrance complete with Punk cameo. It gets him booed out of the building unsurprisingly.
WWE Championship: (C) John Cena v HHH
Two of the greatest of all time.
A hot crowd.
A damn good story.
Yeah I liked it. At the time I was one of those assholes that was pulling for the Game to win this but as I get older I appreciate how hard Cena worked and his insane ability to get the crowd involved. This crowd almost earned this match a point on it’s own. A great main event will help that though. 7-11
Winner: Cena retains after HHH taps out to the STFU.
- Cena winning CRUSHED at least half the crowd.
- Honestly this match needs to be brought up more when great crowd reactions are talked about.
Final Tally? 7-11 This show was way better than I remembered. It’s honestly one of the top tiered Mania that I have reviewed lately. Really easy thumbs up from me.
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