One show had potential and didn’t give me what I expected. The other had no potential gave me exactly what I expected.
Commentary: Tony Schiavone, Dusty and the Brain
Eddie is a miracle worker but be it nerves or whatever, Konnan was blown up almost immediately. The match had a lot of slow spots as a result. There were moments that were fun but not enough for a point. 0-1
Winner: Konnan after Eddie crotches himself on a Rana attempt.
- Mean Gene sells the hotline. The Giant is on Compuserve as we speak.
- Col. Parker and Dick Slater discuss his match with Madusa tonight. Parker is doing it for the menfolk.
Lord Steven Regal (w/Jeeves) v Belfast Bruiser Fit Finlay
Now this was a damn match. They beat the living hell out of one another and absolutely no one in Mississippi cared. Regal’s nose was busted open at one point and he didn’t care. Two dudes out to make a point and they sure accomplished it. I mean, in 1996 no one gave a damn. But now? It’s fire. 1-2
Winner: Finlay got a DQ win after Squire Dave Taylor and Earl Robert of Eaton interfered.
- Gene is back with Jimmy Hart and The Giant. Jimmy Hart says baby a lot. Apparently the winner of the Giant/Loch Ness gets a title shot on Nitro. Giant is confident. I guess. His promo sucked.
- Gene is back again. Call the hotline! Someone may be going to Hollywood! Also Loch Ness is here and he makes the Giant looks like the Rock with promo ability.
Colonel Rob Parker v Madusa
So most intergender matches now are treated with a bit of respect…this was not. They laughed all the way through this thing and even though it was not what anyone would call a good match? It still deserved better. Still, not real good though. 1-3
Winner: Parker after Dick Slater interference.
- Lee Marshall is on this show. Christ. Also the LOD is here. Sting and Booker are in trouble. Apparently brain stems will be removed. This was a promo that happened.
- Slamboree is coming in May! The Lethal Lottery baby. Love it.
- They mock Johnny B Badd for leaving the company before the match starts. I mean. They technically weren’t wrong.
I Quit Wrestling match: Diamond Dallas Page v The Booty Man
Welp. This definitely happened. As stated before this was originally supposed to be Johnny but he took that Fed money instead. I respect DDP’s commitment to hard work. From 88-90? Brutus was fire. In 1996? Together? It was beyond terrible. The only thing that almost got a point was Kimberly and that’s not how this works. 1-4
Winner: Booty wins after a kiss and a high knee. We never see Dallas again. Too bad.
- Booty kisses Kim after the match. Garbage personified.
- Gene is with Lex and Jimmy. Apparently it will be the last night Lex is with Jimmy. Luger cuts a garbage promo. I’m not shocked.
Giant vs Giant: The Giant (w/Jimmy Hart) v Loch Ness
At least it was short. Giant actually took a cool bump to the floor but the rest was straight garbage. Like really bad stuff here. 1-5
Winner: Giant with a terrible legdrop.
- Lee is with Sting and Booker T. The Road Warriors are in trouble…suckaaaaaaa. It’s on like neck bone apparently.
Chicago Street Fight: The Road Warriors v Sting/Booker T
This was an old school type brawl. Everyone kept moving and just nailed one another at every opportunity. Even the Road Warriors sold stuff which hardly ever happens. I liked this from beginning to end and think that it was well thought out. 2-6
Winner: Booker T got the pin on Hawk after copious interference from Luger and Stevie Ray.
- Stevie Ray killed Animal in the back with a chair.
DOOMSDAY CAGE: Hulk Hogan/Randy Savage v Ric Flair/Arn Anderson/Z Gangsta/The Ultimate Solution/Kevin Sullivan/Lex Luger/Meng and the Barbarian
Possibly the worst match in history. Hogan and Savage were able to defeat every heel in the company in one match. There is no way to justify this happening ever. The cage gimmick sucked. No one looked like they wanted to be there and everyone looked worse for the match happening. Crap. 2-7
I promised this on Twitter but the lack of full matches made me give up on the concept. But here we go.
ECW: Big Ass Extreme Bash 96
March 8/9 1996
Night one: New York, New York
Night two: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentary: Joey Styles
- Sandman is out attacking some unnamed dudes to start us off.
- Joey welcomes us to the show and introduces Shane Douglas as his guest. Whatever he says is bleeped from the Network version and appears to enrage Brian Pillman in the crowd. Douglas gets in his face while Brian acts like a loon. Pillman uses a kid as a shield because he’s amazing. The kid is scared shitless though. Pillman piefaces Douglas and starts a fight in the first row. Douglas is irate and ends up being removed by security at the behest of Todd Gordon. He threatens Ted Turner before getting tossed though because reasons.
- Bill Alfonso comes out to give Todd Gordon shit and then they brawl as well. Taz turns the tide for Fonzie with a chair. Bam Bam Bigelow makes the save and no sells a chairshot so the heels bail.
- We join Cactus Jack v Chris Jericho in progress. Jericho won with a German because Cactus was heading on to greener pastures.
- We join Taz v Mikey in progress and I’m wondering if we get a full match on this thing. Taz chokes him out because it’s 1996 Taz. Bigelow once again arrives but Taz catches him with the Tazmission this time. Fonzie holds off jobber help with a chair. Joey selling Taz choking out Bigelow from behind like it means something really bothers me. The older I get the worse of a shill he seems.
- The end of Dudleys v Headhunters is shown with Buh Buh rolling up one of the big boys. Kinda glad they didn’t show this in full to be real. Headhunters hit their one move after the match and Big Dick attacks with his crutch.
- Damien Kane calls out Mustafa but didn’t realize New Jack was out of jail. They brawl for a while.
- At this point I’m convinced I should have skipped this show
- Damn. Now we join Rey Mysterio Jr. v Juventud Guerrera in progress as I’m convinced this show is out to get me. Rey won with a bridging Electric Chair but man, why not show the entire thing? Oh wait. It’s 2 out of 3. Still a baffling decision. Juvy won round 2 with a Dragon suplex. This shortened highlight real makes me wish they put the entire match on here. Juvy won with a Super Brainbuster from the top. Just some amazing stuff for it’s time and even without the entire match I’m giving it a point. 1-1
- We join the ECW World Championship match between champion Raven v Sandman already in progress. Duh. Like I get compilations but damn. But on a positive note its a Sandman match so I’m not real upset. There is a ton of interference and a cat fight but none of it distracts from the fact that Sandman in real bad. Raven won with an Evenflow on a guardrail Sandman brought in. Woof.
- Joey is back because they flat out fucking refuse to show a full wresting match on this wrestling show. I assume this is night two but they don’t mention it obviously. He introduces the Gangstas. New Jack gets sexually assaulted by a “fan”. New Jack throws out the word “retarded” immediately. Stay classy bud. Crowd loves his ass though. Damien Kane is out now. He offers to manage them tonight. Jim Cornette and a banana are brought up. Gross. Shockingly they turn down his offer via a punch. New Jack is still mad that he went to jail for forgetting a dude in his trunk for eight hours. He wants the Headhunters in the match tonight.
- So we FINALLY get a damn match and it’s this?
- NOPE. J.T. Smith v Axl Rotten is cut up and shown in progress as well. Smith botches a DDT immediately and THIS WAS EDITED. They still kept it in. Amazing. Smith wins with his feel on the ropes but who gives a fuck.
- Bad Crew v El Puerto Riqueño/Future Little Guido is interrupted by Pillman and his entourage. The crowd chants “Oh My God” like the dude hasn’t been on like 10 straight shows. He talks crap about Douglas but it draws him out. Pillman and company apparently have a meeting and have to go when Shane hits the ring. Todd arrives again. They try talking Shane down. It works this time.
- We get to see an entire like 8 minute Dudley entrance and then THEY JOIN IN PROGRESS. Son of a bitch. I’m out at this point. I get that they couldn’t show both nights or whatever but showing only clips of everything and not having full matches seems like a bad idea. Look at what else is advertised for this show. Do they show these matches? Maybe. But I’m not hanging around to find out.
ECW Tag Team Championships: (C) Eliminators v Buh Buh Ray Dudley/Hack Myers
Chris Jericho v Taz
Rey Mysterio Jr. v Juventud Guerrera
Mikey Whipwreck v Cactus Jack
Bruise Brothers v Pitbulls
Sabu v Big Titan
ECW World Championship: Raven v Shane Douglas
Sandman/2 Cold Scorpio v Headhunters v Gangstas
- Seems like a great show but in no way am I going to get excited for these contests and them not be shown. Waste of time. *ED NOTE* They might show all of the matches listed but they already lost me at that point sorry.