*CAUTION* I say bad words in this.
Commentary: Cole, King, (and maybe at his most annoying…) Matt Striker
- They are really focused on who “The One” might be. Pining for Billy Gunn is not a good look.
ECW Championship: (C) Christian v Ezekiel Jackson(w/William Regal)
I love Christian as much as the next person but he struggled to get something watchable out of big Zeke with this one. The guy was nowhere near ready for the position he was being pushed to at this point. Regal adds a lot to most everything but he got booted way too early to have a real impact one way or another. That ECW title belt was one of my favorites and it sucks we will never see it again. 0-1
Winner: Christian retains with a Killswitch.
- We get a backstage skit with Cryme Tyme (RIP Shad) trying to con the Great Khali out of his Rumble spot. He is apparently a big Family Matters fan and drops an Urkle impression while denying CT. Miz mocks the situation and is punished by Teddy Long with a US Title defense against MVP. This kind of screams filler to me.
- Ah yes, we get Randy Orton brooding backstage before Cody comes in as they continue to set up that Legacy feud that stunk the joint up.
United States Championship: (C) The Miz v MVP
So this kind of surprised me. I expected it to be boring because I didn’t enjoy either man’s in ring work during this period but it ended up being in the OK to fine area. MVP seemed motivated and Miz was trying DESPERATELY to get that main event run. Not bad at all other than the junk ending. 1-2
Winner: Miz retains after a fluke rollup.
- MVP attacks Miz after the match. I guess he was upset he lost fair and square to Miz in like 7 minutes. I’d be a poopy pants too.
- Ted Jr. messes with Randy’s head some more. I hate this storyline.
- Big Show is backstage with Jericho. They have an awkward exchange that ends with R-Truth threatening Jericho. R-Truth makes everything better and probably wears his mask like he’s supposed to.
WWE Championship: (C) Sheamus v Randy Orton
This title reign wasn’t exactly the highlight of Sheamus’s career. As usual with Orton and Sheamus their chemistry was hit and miss at best and nonexistent at worst. This was the latter, also it was really boring to watch as Randy was in the height of his “do everything as slowly as humanly possible” stage. I guess he still felt he needed to wrestle like a heel while getting cheered and turned babyface. This was a steaming bowl of shit with a worse ending. 1-3
Winner: Sheamus retains via DQ after Cody “accidentally” gets caught attacking him for no discernible reason.
- Randy attacks Cody and then Dibiase. What a terrible breakup angle this was. Sheamus kicked Randy’s face off at the end which made laugh at least.
- We get a rundown of the insulting, ridiculous and completely fucking tone-deaf “Piggy James” angle. How they even thought this was a moderately good idea will never make sense. Mickie James is one of the most attractive human beings walking planet Earth and to openly call her fat like this was disrespectful to the audience at large and bigger folks in general. What I’m saying is fuck this angle with a big rubber dick and then break it off and beat it with the rest of it.
- Yay, Layla comes out in a fat suit. Man fuck this.
Women’s Championship: (C) Michelle McCool (w/Layla) v Mickie James
Mickie wins in like 30 seconds after taking out both members of LayCool. Nope 1-4
Winner: Mickie wins the title with a DDT.
- After the match the rest of the Women’s locker room arrives to dump cake on LayCool. Too little to fucking late for that shit. Yes, I’m bitter.
World Heavyweight Championship: (C) The Undertaker v Rey Mysterio
This match single handedly may be a reason to watch this show. Rey busted Undertaker open with a kick like a minute in and they just FOUGHT after that. Undertaker looked like a complete heartless badass and Rey looked like the biggest babyface ever to babyface trying to survive. I didn’t dig the red shit on Takers pants but Rey’s San Diego Chargers gear made up for it. Hell of a match that I would go out of my way to watch if you haven’t seen it. 2-5
Winner: Undertaker retained after the biggest Last Ride in history.
- Kane lectured Shawn on being obsessed with Undertaker. Pot/Kettle. Then Shawn and HHH make up a little. Shawn was so good with the character stuff in this build.
This was a mid level Rumble. The first few minutes were entertaining with CM Punk in full on Straight Edge mode giving lectures after he eliminates everyone. This was really fun until HHH arrived (looking uncharacteristically heavy) eliminated him and it got boring during the middle portion for a bit. The story was all about Shawn trying to win so he could get revenge on the Undertaker from the previous year right up until Edge returned six months early from injury to get revenge on former partner Chris Jericho. I dug the beginning and end so this was easily good enough for a point. 3-6
Winner: Edge got the win after eliminating John Cena.
Overall Thoughts: 3-6 The Rumble was fun as usual and the World Championship match was amazing and those two alone make this show a must watch. This definitely was a feast or famine show so keep that in mind going in.
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