It’s been a while but I’m heading back to Memphis. It’s time.
Commentator: Dave Brown
- We are opening up with a “stem-winder” apparently from Dave. Not sure what that is but it has Terry Garvin in it. Dave runs down the card because he’s a professional unlike some of these hacks.
- Uptown Bruno is out with Terry Garvin. Bruno’s top hat is fire. So fire that he’s no longer Downtown due to it actually. Terry is nice enough to give us hair care tips which I appreciate. The King arrives and this is our first match of what I’m sure will be a slam bang 60 minutes of television…My bad, King has to talk first apparently. Dropping some of those awesome 1970’s one-liners. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the USWA ring girls looking like 1991 music videos personified on the outside of the Ring.
Terry Garvin w/Uptown Bruno v Jerry “The King” Lawler
Garvin stalls for a couple minutes while Bruno brings up sharecropping on commentary. Doing Jim Cornette while Jim Cornette’s in a company is something special. We finally lockup and… Garvin immediately bales because of a punch. The stalling is getting old early this is some Larry Zbyszko shit. Garvin runs right into Lawler’s boot for maybe the only high spot of the match. Meanwhile Lawler Fargo struts and makes it look really really bad. My God I hope there’s a TV time limit on this thing so we can get it over with. We finally get a test of strength which is an actual wrestling move so we are going places. Nevermind, Lawler hits him with a punch. No matter what I think about this, the crowd is going ape shit for Lawler. Garvin gets slipped some brass knux by Bruno. Garvin finally get some offense in by using a taped up paper towel while the referee keeps getting distracted by the brother in the top hat. Garvin nails a pile driver behind the referee’s back so Lawler may have to be carried out of here due to being in Memphis. Now Bruno comes in to choke Lawler while the ref is distracted. I can’t wait till the airplane comes in and drops a bomb on Lawler so Garvin might have legit reason to win this match. Lawler, even after all this is able to make a comeback by dropping the strap. Garvin gets tied in the ropes and Lawler runs to the back for some reason. Then hhe comes back with some scissors . Lawler chases Garvin around with them. Running with scissors is pretty sure a violation of every law. He finally tackled him from behind and the scissors almost stabbed in the poor son of a bitch. My God you have to respect Memphis wrestling. just for the record the referee counts out Terry Garvin after Lawler chased him with a goddamn weapon out of the ring.
Winner: Lawler because the referee was apparently not paying attention.
- We get a recap of the awesome angle where the Fabs beat the shit out of the King. Still really good piece of business.
- Here comes another recap. This time of the match that followed the previous angle up with Lawler and Dundee versus the Fabs. It doesn’t end well for Dundee. He takes a double team tennis racket to the throat. That Memphis Coliseum was hype for this though man. Dundee got hung in the ropes after getting the tennis racket to the throat. It’s not very Mick Foley thing though because he’s clearly got room and it’s so loose he falls down. Then the Fabs finally get him kind of hung on the second try. Cornette did beat the shit out of him with the racket though. Jeff Jarrett makes the save due to being the owner’s son. Although 91 Jeff Jarrett did fuck hard.
- Dundee cuts a fired up promo in a cool sweater. By cool I mean not cool. It does go with the mullet though. He promises to come back and punch people as the gist.
- The Fabs and Cornette respond. They didn’t show up to the building this week because they were afraid of being raped by big fat women. So there. The outfit the Fabs are wearing are purely 90s brother. They want that hundred thousand dollars from Terry Funk for the upcoming destroying of Jarrett and Lawler. Steve Kern was the MVP of this.
- The King is back out because we haven’t had enough talking yet on this show. The Fabs talk too much etc etc. . Not surprisingly he does bring up beating Hogan, Savage, Bundy Funk and Jesus.
- The USWA ring girls arrive for no reason. We run down the card for the Mid-South coliseum on Monday January 28th. I’d like to point out we are now 28 minutes into the show and there’s been 7 and 1/2 minutes of wrestling. So if people complain about Raw they really never watched USWA in the 90’s. I low-key would pay money to see the show though.
- We NOW have a Jeff Jarrett promo about the Fabulous Ones. I was curious if we were going to get another promo. Jarett looks like he has more hair spray his hair than all of the USWA ring girls combined. Jeff had been in the business for a little bit at this point but he still wasn’t what I would call… a solid promo. This is so bad they should they should have probably called him “Jumpin” Jeff Jarrett.
- Here we have a commercial for the Red Man Rumble Royal. My God can we just get on with some mediocre action? Nope nevermind, we get brief Royal Rumble style snippets from a couple of dudes. Hey, I’m all in this for Jeff Gaylord promos.
Jeff Gaylord/”Primetime” Brian Lee v TD Steel/Freezer Thompson
Great. Bruno’s back on commentary. TD Steel avoiding Jeff Gaylord and then throwing up some Black Dynamite style karate moves is something to see. Most of TD’s offense at this point has been based off Dolomite moves and I dig it. I have no I have zero recollection of him doing this crap. Gaylord tries for a gorilla press but couldn’t even get the guy all the way up. I never thought I’d say this but thank God for Brian Lee. Freezer tags in it and takes a huge back body drop and I appreciate the big man taking it like that. Oh great, here comes Gaylord to ruin this. TD still back in and tries that karate stuff with a still in the ring Brian and gets killed in five seconds with a stun gun. Big ups to the cameraman there in acid washed jeans on the outside of the ring.
Winners: Gaylord/Lee via karate avoidance.
- Some lucky fan is going to win some stuff in Jonesboro, Arkansas! This includes a Jeff Jarrett hat and a Jerry Lawler shirt valued at over $100. Sure…in 1991. Y’all if you were in Jonesboro Arkansas in January 26th 1991 I bet you saw a fucking banger bro. Fans are the lumberjacks! For a match they don’t tell us about!
- Lawler’s back out again. This time it’s to discuss his stretcher match in Jonesboro against Terry Garvin. My God that show just keeps getting better. We run down more dates. You can’t say that in advertise their product.
- Another Redman Rumble Royal commercial. This is getting into some Lethal Leap year bullshit now.
Bill Rush/Sergeant O’Reilly v Cody Michaels/Jerry Lynn
There are still about 16 minutes left in this show and honestly I’m already checked out. The only positive thing is I get to see Cody Michaels doing his Bush league Ric Flair impression. Jerry Lynn dropkicks Bill Rush in like 12 seconds… 17 excuse me. Cody Michaels gets the pin. What what a dynamite match.
Winner: The team that has one guy you’ve heard of.
- Cody and Jerry cut a promo, and by Cody and Jerry I mean just Cody. Bruno arrives because we haven’t seen enough of him today. Doug Gilbert and Tony Anthony arrive to attack about 9 seconds later because even Doug Gilbert thought people were talking too much. The baby faces get destroyed and bloodied. I miss Jerry Lynn. Lawler and the the New Kids make the save so you know they’re in trouble. I should point out Brian Christopher had not discovered steroids at this point.
- We were going to get a music video on Jeff Jarrett but they cut it out on this version. Boo. Instead we just going to run down to the Mid-South coliseum again.
- Hey Bruno is back! Apparently Brian Lee and Jeff Gaylord are the Supreme Dream Team. Eh. This was brutal. Gaylord was especially cringe worthy.
- Another Redman Rumble Royal commercial is cut off by “Nightmare Danny Davis”. He uses a lot of desert Storm rhetoric. Apparently he is the one in the lumberjack strap match in Jonesboro. No idea who he was fighting though.
Ronnie Leach v “Nightmare” Danny Davis
True story, Danny Davis was the first wrestler I ever got an autograph from and a picture with. This was brutal. Danny wins in a minute 15 with a hangman’s noose neck breaker. This show is really not full of wrestling. Leach didn’t look awful but Danny ate him up.
Winner: Danny via squash.
Tony Anthony/Doug Gilbert/Sergeant O’Reilly v Ben Jordan/The New kids
Two matches in a row? Amazing. Apparently Uptown Bruno was supposed to be in this match but they replaced him with Sergeant O’Reilly because reasons. My God am I tired of Bruno on commentary. Shockingly they all take bumps for Jerry’s kid. Ben Jordan is in now and I honestly don’t remember this guy but I do know that since he’s not a child of Jerry Lawler he’s going to get his ass whooped aaaaand he does. Tony and Doug are really awesome old school southern trash bag heels though. Dave makes me think slightly less of him by saying that we had a good show today. Cody Michaels and Jerry Lynn arrive to attack the heels and all heck breaks loose. I almost expect Baron Corbin and Roman Reigns to come out and their brawl to continue. This was nothing
Winner: Evil always wins because good is stupid.
- Dave hypes up the Monday night show one more time.
Overall Thoughts: Well, I kind of want to see that show for the Memphis Coliseum. Other than that I think there was 10 minutes of actual wrestling on this entire show and all of that was mediocre at best. If you like southern old school wrestling set up stuff this was fine. If you like nowadays jumpy flippy wrestling for 30 minutes you need to look at another show.
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