RANKED: The Halloween Franchise

Today is the day, let the arguing begin! Honestly I’m reposting this to get angry responses. Hi Gary!

Was there any doubt which films had to be put up today? I honestly can’t wait to hear the responses to this. Somebody do it on here instead of Facebook though so this thing makes me a little money.

 

Let’s see if you agree… from worst to first!

 

11: Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

I honestly hated this thing. Ooooh look the internet, how new and cool!? Laurie dies in the beginning in the dumbest way possible. I have to watch Tyra Banks act AND Busta Rhymes survives? Not only does he survive but he just beats Michael’s ass? Get the fuck out of here with this crap. This movie is dead last and likes it. 

 

10: Halloween II (2009)

So I actually liked the first Zombie version but this boring piece of crap was ridiculous. I get it man, you have to have your wife in all your movies, but holy shit. This should have been called Michael takes a walk. Also Laurie was a whiny ass for 95% of this and not only did I not want her to “become” Michael at the end I wanted her to “become” worm food. Sorry Rob, Devil’s Rejects ruled.

 

9: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The last of the “Thorn” movies and notable for only two things, bringing handsome ass Paul Rudd to the Halloween universe and being so bad it killed the lineage of the original series. I feel this movies biggest crime though is it ruined the last on screen performance of Donald Pleasence with it’s garbage ass script. I actually almost ranked this last but those other two man…jeeze, it was like choosing between a shit sandwich, a turd po’ boy or a poop sub. Who wins with that?

 

8: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Ah yes, the second consecutive movie where a grown man serial killer tries to murder a little kid the entirety of the run time. Luckily this time she’s already messed up and traumatized so that makes it better. I liked these a lot better when he was killing teenagers for no reason and not being mystically controlled by a group of weirdos because the writer had to get cute. All that being said, it was way better than the previous dogs on this list and at least it didn’t kill off the franchise. Just put it in a coma for 6 years.

 

7: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

AKA “The Search for More Money”. After Season of the Witch bombed at the box office they went back to the well and brought Michael back. I can honestly say I didn’t dislike this movie but it never really struck me as something great either. The same problem with 5 rears it head here. This grown ass man that kills like a shark just can’t get over the hump with a little girl? Also even though they did what “everyone” wanted and brought Michael back it made less than 20 million? Eh, it could have been worse. 

 

6: Halloween II (1981)

Ah yes, the original Halloween sequel. It was alright. It hit all the right notes, added a backstory (that wasn’t needed really) and kept the ball rolling. I’ll be honest This landed this high on the list because of my sheer dislike for the other films. Sorry Halloween loyalists, I thought this was just OK. 

 

5: Halloween (2007)

From now on this list contains pictures I actually LIKE. Now I did like this movie… but it really took away from Michael’s mystique and tried to give us a reason why he was evil. He didn’t need that, if anything it made him less scary. You could tell Rob had a respect for the source material though and at least this wasn’t boring as shit like his other attempt. It was a legitimately decent flick but I couldn’t put it any higher. His thought’s were “needs more ghost Sheri”.

 

4: Halloween H2O: Twenty Years Later (1998)

This time they went back and made a straight up sequel to part 2 and it worked. I enjoyed the crap out of this one and still watch it every time it pops up on cable. Jamie Lee was awesome in this and I felt it did a ten times better job than the lousy ass sequel that followed it. Plus, LL is a better actor than Busta. I said it. This was a damn good movie, fight me.

 

3: Halloween (2018)

(Editors Note: Yeah so I dropped this down one notch. Part 3 is my jam.) The current number 1 movie in all the land (at the time) deserves this spot. I’ve only seen it once and maybe some of the flaws didn’t pop out at me on the first viewing but man…it was good. It was about as perfect as a sequel could be. It didn’t try and reinvent the wheel from the original it just took the basic premise and kept it going. This is one of the best horror films in the last 20 years.

2: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

This movie was awesome. No Michael Myers though. That’s probably why it didn’t make as much money. I personally don’t care how much it made though this is a personal favorite not just as a horror film but as a movie in general. The story rules, it gives a nod to the original, the Silver Shamrock song is stuck in your head right now and Tom Atkins was the baddest man alive. Great movie.

 

 

1: Halloween (1978)

Was there ever really a doubt? The movie that spawned dozens upon dozens of imitators, 10 sequels or remakes and the entire slasher genre deserves this spot. The best part of this movie was the simplicity of it. A crazy man does crazy shit and we don’t know why. Evil is just evil. Jamie Lee was amazing Donald Pleasence was awesome and the rest of the cast did their jobs. It was just a dude trying to kill a babysitter and became a phenomenon in the genre. This has to be number 1.

 

There we go kids. All 11 films in this franchise just got RANKED. Was I right? Wrong? A little of both? Let me know. I appreciate you reading. If you want to argue about rankings do it in the comments so this damn website starts making money. Or you can hit the donate button over to the right, either would be helpful.

 

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