Back with more USWA. Hopefully this does better than the last edition because I really want to keep doing these. Share if you can so I can keep making jokes on old shows.
You can check out the previous week’s shenanigans right here.
Commentator: Dave Brown
- The Fabs are out with Jimmy to start us off. We get a recap of last week’s attack on Lawler. Still a great piece of work there. Jimmy then proceeds to rip apart the entire fan base as only he can and informs us that now Terry Funk has put a $50,000 bounty on Jeff Jarrett’s head as well as Lawler’s. So after they dispose with Lawler and Dundee they will murder Jeff and anyone else that dares to be a top contender. Cornette does nothing but spit fire man. He then realizes they have people to beat up in the ring.
Non-Title USWA World Tag Titles: Cody Michaels/Jerry Lynn vs (C) Fabulous Ones w/Jim Cornette
Cornette runs his mouth and makes it a title match because he has zero faith in his opponents. Future managing scumbag Scott Bowden was the referee for this. Jerry Lynn’s hair is on point for the second week in a row, meanwhile Cody looks like the bootleggiest version of bootleg Ric Flair that ever bootlegged. Cody is actually able to keep control on both guys for a couple of minutes while Jim complains about everything. Jerry continues to do way better than this team should and the Fabs are doing a masterful job of making them look competitive. Cody tags back in and there goes that shit. The Fabs take over and Keirn nails him with a chair on the floor. They dominate for a few minutes with underhanded tactics that are so beautiful it would make you cry. Keirn finally misses an elbow and Jerry comes in all fired up with dropkicks. He almost gets a 3 off a bodypress but shenanigans set in and Corny nails a racket shot.
Winner: The Champs retain after glorious shenanigans.
- They continue the beat down after the match with a racket shot on Cody and spike piledriver on Lynn. Luckily The King makes the save with a coffee maker which is something I have never seen used as a weapon.
- We get a recap of 160 lb Jeff Jarrett regaining the vacant Southern Belt (via Eddie Gilbert being a terrible employee) with a rollup on Brian Lee.
- Downtown Bruno is out and is quickly joined by Robert Fuller and the new
Steroid MafiaStud Stable. Rob talks shit about everyone and then introduces his new stable. First up is Curtis Thompson “The US Mail” and he is dressed like…yep, a mailman. A mailman that may allegedly taken all the steroids. What is not alleged is how trash his promo is. Next up are the GD PITBULLS who cut an equally bad promo and somehow eventually find all the steroids their stablemate didn’t use. Apparently all of 1991 USWA would go on to be in ECW. Rob finishes off this madness by spouting a parable about beating the shit out of his dog. Jesus.
The Pit Bulls vs T.D. Steel/Danny Davis
The USWA has a ring girl out here for some reason and she looks like 1991 personified. Bruno immediately does his Cornette impression and seems like a 5th rate loser in even trying. Danny does alright for a minute but made the mistake of tagging Steel, not good. The Pit Bulls do move a bit better here than they do in ECW, probably because they aren’t as roided to the gills as normal. To this day I have seen exactly (1) good Pit Bulls match and this ain’t it chief. Watching the Bulls wrestle after the Fabs is like watching Plan 9 after Citizen Kane. Poor T.D. didn’t have a chance.
Winner: The Pit Bulls after a Super Bomb.
- The Ring girls come stand behind Dave and we are looking at $500 worth of hairspray for those bangs. The big show rundown is as follows.
Terry Garvin vs King Cobra
New Kids vs Doug Gilbert/Dirty White Boy
Danny Davis vs Awesome Kong (not that one) w/Reggie B. Fine
Brian Lee vs Chris Champion
The Pit Bull Dogs (Pick a name people) vs Jerry Lynn/Cody Michaels
Matt Borne vs Jeff Gaylord
Southern Heavyweight Title: (C) Jeff Jarrett vs Robert Fuller
- The King arrives before the main event is announced. He threatens Cornette and the Fabs while selling some tickets for the big show listed above. Hot take I know but Jerry was good at talking. So now the main event is…
USWA Tag Titles: (C) The Fabulous Ones w/Jim Cornette vs Jerry Lawler/Bill Dundee w/Jeff Jarrett
- Cornette and the Fabs come out and respond. Poor Jimmy is bent out of shape and the show is over.
Overall Thoughts: Introducing new characters and keeping the current stuff moving along that’s what this show continues to do. Cornette and Lawler keep earning their pay out there.
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