June 19, 2011

Washington D.C.

Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T and the King

Capitol

 

United States Championship: (C)Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero

What a fresh matchup…I’m going to ignore the ref not checking the arm on the sleeper hold because I have other more pressing things to complain about. The wrestling between these two is always fine to spectacular so there are no complaints there, but right from the start the commentary is awful. Jerry Lawler making fat jokes about Vickie being heavy (she’s not a huge woman in real life, just compared to the super models on this show) on the SAME show they run commercials for an anti-bullying campaign seems ridiculous. That being said, he was far and away the best announcer on the show. Booker T never picked up the job, and Michael Cole was still in terrible heel mode and ruined everything he touches on this show and for the entire year. We are not off to a great start as far as enjoyment goes.

Winner: Dolph gets the win after Kofi passes out to the Sleeper. Who new they would recycle this 30 more times in the next decade?

 

  • R-Truth arrives in a limo and spouts off some funny lines after running into Josh Matthews. Eve shows up (looking lovely) and states she doesn’t even know Truth any longer. He responds with crazy talk about Little Jimmy. Truth has always been amazing and I’m glad folks get that now.
  • Miz cuts a good promo with Todd Grisham about the upcoming Alex Riley match. Miz is still underutilized.

 

The Miz vs Alex Riley

This should have been a great student/ teacher story if the idiots telling that story hadn’t screwed it up royally. Booker T kept trying to get the referee to stop the match out of concern for Riley, which made Alex look bad. Cole would not stop praising Miz and verbally attacking the other announcers. Jerry looked like the best announcer ever just by being around these two. I should never have to ignore the action for the commentary and here we are again. The match itself was OK but the commentary nearly made it unwatchable. I hate to keep harping on it but it was ruining the show.

Winner: Riley gets the win after a nice looking DDT.

 

  • Sgt. Slaughter is backstage with an Obama impersonator until Vickie Guerrero interrupts and is taken away by security. I wish there was a sarcasm font so I could call this hilarious. At least this isn’t today, a Trump impersonator would try and have her deported.

 

Alberto Del Rio vs the Big Show

This feud was set up by Big Show getting hit with a car, so the realism started from the beginning. The match never really got going, as Show jumped Del Rio during his entrance only to be jumped himself by Mark Henry. Henry gave Show the World’s Strongest Slam through an announce table and left him laying as easy pickings for Del Rio. Alberto targeted the injured knee for the remainder of the match which was smart since the guy was hit by a car. If you ever find yourself wrestling a giant that had been hit by a car follow Del Rio’s plan of attack to the letter. If they haven’t been hit by a car first, do so before proceeding.

Winner: Referee calls the match for Del Rio when Show can’t continue due to the knee bar.

 

  • R-Truth is both crazy and with a photographer. He does drop both Outcast and Allen Iverson references to keep me entertained. GOAT.
  • Wade Barrett starts an interview with Matt Striker but decides to take the mic and talk trash all the way to the ring instead. Barrett was always good on the mic but also able to take Sam Jackson’s place in the Unbreakable sequel. Poor bastard was made of glass. Since he stopped Matt Striker from talking he is a babyface to me though.

 

Intercontinental Championship: (C) Wade Barrett vs Ezekiel Jackson

If you like watching a guy both learning to wrestle and try out basic holds then this is the match for you. Maybe they should have trained him before they put him in the ring. Poor Jackson had a moveset that revolved around the power of his body slams. If this was 1958 he would have been the best in the business, but here he just looked like a stiff that couldn’t pull off Lex Luger’s moves properly. Barrett got to lose to this guy so good for him I guess. Waste of a belt. Poor Barrett man.

Winner: Jackson got the win after locking Barrett in the Torture Rack. 

 

  • Lawler interviews Jackson after the match and his mic skills make him seem like Ric Flair in the ring.
  • The fake President is with the trio of Beth Phoenix, Kelly Kelly and Santino Marella. Shockingly, hilarity ensues when Santino tries to show the fake POTUS his Cobra.
  • Josh Matthews interviews CM Punk about his match with Mysterio coming up next. Not much to this other than Punk dropping hints about a major event he has planned. This is only about a month before the Pipe Bomb promo that would make Punk into an even bigger star. Can you imagine if Punk would have liked his job?

 

Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk

These two work really well together and know how to tell an entertaining story. The three announcers do NOT work really well together and try to ruin the aforementioned story. Their crappy announcing didn’t help the match but luckily it didn’t need much help. The crowd was deep into Punk here even though he was the heel and both guys worked there asses off with some cool spots like a belly to back suplex from the top and the sweet reversal ending. Good show from these two guys that could have been only been better if Punk was able to do commentary as well. Have I mentioned the commentary yet? Jeeze.

Winner: Punk reversed the 619 into the GTS for the pin.

 

  • Recap of the Christian and Randy Orton feud.

 

World Heavyweight Championship: (C) Randy Orton vs Christian

At this point Orton was only a mere 8 time champion, and making a living pinning Christian every chance he got. The entire buildup was that Christian couldn’t beat Randy and kept trying to get more and more matches to get it done. All the matches were good so the two of them constantly fighting didn’t bother me at all. Christian spent the entire contest trying to give Orton a concussion and steal a victory. They managed to keep the feud going longer, as when Randy pinned Christian with the RKO, Christian’s foot was clearly under the ropes. This feud must continue. Christian’s biggest run ever.

Winner: Orton gets the win with an RKO.

 

  • Orton nails Christian with the belt after the match as payback for the concussion angle.
  • Best of WCW Monday Nitro DVD.
  • Keith Stone, the legendary Keystone light spokesman, makes his way to ringside with the Bella twins. Legendary may not have been the word I was looking for there, forgettable is what I was thinking.
  • R-Truth conspiracy package. The guy was, and is, money as a wackadoo.

 

Jack Swagger vs Evan Bourne

Ah yes, the man that killed Lucha Underground. This was a “bonus” match, which is code for “we didn’t time the show out properly and we don’t want R-Truth going 45 minutes”. This was a pretty fast paced big vs little man contest with both guys doing what they needed to do. Short matches don’t generally have time to be amazing or bad so this falls squarely in the middle.

Winner: Bourne with a roll up out of an ankle lock.

 

  • Be A Star promo that maybe should have included not mocking a lady about her weight, when all you hire otherwise are super model type women to put around her.
  • The fake Obama comes out to cut a promo and waste more show time. He cracks some jokes and actually makes me think that fake Obama would make a better POTUS than some we’ve had. Current POTUS included. Booker then kills that dream by making him do an Obama-roonie. I’m sure the people of the United States wouldn’t be dumb enough to elect a man President after he does a stupid wrestling skit, oh wait.
  • Promo for the National Guard.

 

WWE Championship: (C) John Cena vs R-Truth

John Cena made a career off great matches to end PPV’s and that streak…could not be salvaged here. R-Truth is a hilarious guy and a hard worker so he really did deserve a chance to go for the championship and main event a show at least once. That being said, this was a one off match for a one off feud because as good as Truth is outside the ring he was equally bad inside it. He’s not a bad wrestler it was just unbelievable for a career mid card guy to all of the sudden be able to take out the (Then) 10 time champion. The ending was funny, as Truth got a cup of water dumped on him by a kid for being a bully. I’m glad Truth got his shot but I’m also glad they didn’t try it more often. 24/7 is where he shines.

Winner: John got the win after an AA and Little Jimmy interference.

 

Overall Thoughts: This show was just a placeholder PPV that bought the company time until they could get the big summer programs going. The show wasn’t bad in any way besides the commentary, but it won’t be brought up as a great show or concept either. This was another Pay-Per-View that was just way to put on a show and make a little money without damaging the future main event stories they wanted to tell. I like R-Truth so I give it a pass.

 

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