March 28, 1999
Commentators: Michael Cole and The King
- Boys II Men Sing America the Beautiful and Philly still kinda boos them.
- We then get that depressing Freddie Blassie “Showcase of the Immortals” deal. It was good but sad.
Triple Threat/Hardcore Championship: Al Snow (w/ Head) vs Hardcore Holly vs (C) Billy Gunn
Hey we get to see ECW’s Hat Guy during the entrances! I would be remiss if I didn’t mention both how ripped and ORANGE Hardcore was in this match, like 1986 Hogan orange. I liked this match a lot more than I remember liking it, probably because it was more like a street fight than some of the other Hardcore title matches. Once the 24-7 rule started the shit got ridiculous, this was more like a straight wrestling match with weapons. You could tell all 3 guys were trying to impress as well. I appreciate the hard work.
Winner: Hardcore stole the pinfall from Gunn by nailing him with a chair after Gunn had Snow with the Famouser.
- We get the final couple seconds of the Sunday Night Heat Tag Team Number 1 contenders Battle Royal. Test and D-Lo were the unlikely (and really not very good, to be honest) team that got to face the champs. Jarrett and Owen then jumped them for that added little heat for the match.
Tag Team Championships: D-Lo Brown and Test (w/Ivory) vs (C) Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart (w/ Debra)
Hey we would eventually see 3 future Hall of Famers in this match! It didn’t make it good but still neat to see. Ivory comes out with a band aid on her face due to a Terri Runnels cigar attack from earlier in the night, and yes that played into the finish. This match was really too short to accomplish more than giving the champs a win on the big show. The two real highlights were Debra wearing what could only be described as a sparkly Bra and Panties ringmaster outfit, and Test’s t-shirt that would never be allowed on TV today. “Guns don’t kill people, I kill people”. Yeah, they wouldn’t let him leave his own house in that shirt now. In the end the girls from PMS came down to cause a distraction and end this thing in a super hurry. This was apparently Owen’s tenth (and last, sadly) WrestleMania and he deserved better to go out on.
Winner: Jarrett pinned D-Lo after and Owen Hart Missile Dropkick.
- After the match the illustrious D-Lo and Test team fought to the surprise of absolutely no one anywhere.
- We get a hype video for the Butterbean vs Bart Gunn Brawl for All fight. Man, a lot of people are picking Bart, I better put my bet in now!
- Hey Chef from South Park made the show! I guess Lord Xenu said it was fine.Also the Mean Street Posse is there, but I didn’t have a good joke for them at the moment.
- The fink introduces us to our esteemed Referee and Judges. Vinny Pazienza is the referee while Kevin Rooney, Chuck Wepner and a really ill looking Gorilla Monsoon are our judges. Poor Gorilla looked really bad there.
Brawl for All: Butterbean vs Bart Gunn
Have you ever seen the old cartoons where something happens to a character and their soul leaves their body while waving and playing a harp? That was Bart Gunn.
Winner: Butterbean after a MASSIVE knockout punch.
- The San Diego Chicken makes his presence felt and gets his butt kicked by Vinny.
- We get a recap of a Big Show vs Mankind brawl on Sunday Night Heat. Steve Austin proves again why he was the best by seeing the guys brawl, kinda shrugging and just walking on. He deserves every dime he got.
- Kevin Kelly interviews a fired up Mankind about the upcoming match. Not much too this one sadly.
The Big Show vs Mankind (Winner gets to Referee the Main Event)
I love both of these guys and I really want to stress that before I start. This match wasn’t nearly as good as it should or could have been. Big Show was blown up like a minute in and moved in slow motion for half of this. Mick wasn’t a whole lot better so the thing was just a mess. The only real highlight was Mick’s crazy ass taking the full weight of Big Show while he had him in the Mandible claw. I guess it was just a chemistry thing but these two didn’t work together well at all in this. It sucks, mainly because both guys could do way better.
Winner: Mankind won by DQ after Show choke slammed him through 2 chairs and then beat him with said chairs.
- After the match Vince McMahon came out to yell at the Big Show about the loss. Vince was such an amazing dickhead he could turn anyone face after a 2 minute conversation. He talked just a little too much shit to the Big Show and got knocked out. The Stooges then came out to get their boy, while Foley was put on a stretcher.
- After numerous replays of the knockout the Stooges and Vince discuss the main event and having Big Show arrested (even though Vince was the one who assaulted him first in front of 20,000 people and probably a million more on PPV. I wonder who wrote that garbage anyway?).
- Road Dogg earns his pay with a string of catchphrases (dude was over as Hell though, especially considering that awful ass haircut). Val responds with his own catchphrase/sexual innuendo.
4-Corner Elimination for the Intercontinental Championship: (C) Road Dogg vs Val Venis vs Goldust (w/ Blue Meanie and Ryan Shamrock) vs Ken Shamrock
This is in no danger of making any “Best of” compilation shows, but it wasn’t the dirt worst either. The entire story was based on the whole Ryan Shamrock (The fine as Hell Ryan Shamrock) and her sleeping with the locker room. Big brother Ken was pissed at these guys so we get this match (it made a lot more sense to have Billy Gunn in this and Road Dogg Hardcore champion but that’s Russo for you.) This was OK and everybody got their shit in so huzzah. I still think Shamrock would be over as hell today whether he could talk or not. Oh yeah, the match, it was fine but I wouldn’t seek it out unless you are really into the Blue Meanie as a manager.
Elimination 1-2: Shamrock and Val were both counted out brawling outside the ring.
Winner: Road Dogg got the win after some miscommunication between Ryan and Goldust, he turned a powerslam into a roll though pin.
- Goldust and Meanie give Ryan the business after the loss.
- Big Show is arrested because the laws of this country don’t apply during a wrestling show. He did look hilarious in the back of that car though.
- We get a recap of the HHH/Kane/Chyna saga.
- As Kane makes his way ringside the San Diego Chicken attacks from behind, he is unmasked as Pete Rose. Poor Pete gets tombstoned for his troubles.
Kane vs HHH
This was a decent brawl, no more, no less. Both of these guys would have better matches with each other in the future and this seemed like it was more storyline advancement than anything else. Once Chyna became involved the match became solely about her and nothing the guys were doing in the ring mattered. It served it’s purpose but it doesn’t mean I had to like it. It was just OK.
Winner: Kane won by DQ after Chyna nailed him with a chair.
- After the match HHH layed out Kane with a Pedigree on a chair and he and Chyna reunited to a MONSTER pop.
- Kevin Kelly is still backstage wondering who the ref in the main event will be when Vince wanders into frame. Luckily for us he still has a 3 sizes too small referee shirt in his bag.
- Big Pun is in the house, looking both big and punishy.
- Sable announces that the following match is for “The women who want to be me and the men who come to see me” and then she awkwardly dances.
Women’s Championship: (C) Sable vs
The Giant Gonzalez Tori
Well Sable won the battle of the outfits that’s for sure. This match was complete and total shit. That’s pretty much all I got. Sable is pretty though.
Winner: Sable got the pin following a Sable Bomb and some interference from Nicole Bass.
- We get an interview with DX, who are back together and will never split up for any reason what so ever, no way, no how.
European Championship: (C) Shane McMahon (w/Test) vs X-Pac
These two had the pressure of following that last all time classic, so unless they just fall asleep in the ring this should be OK. It turns out to be a pretty good match thanks to Pac being the babiest babyface that ever babied in there. He really carried this entire thing from when the Stooges jumped him until the very end. Shane had 600 people cheating for him and the crowd was all over it so you gotta say it was a successful match. The ending really pissed the Philly crowd off, but as a rule they are kind of jerks so they deserve it.
Winner: Shane got the win after HHH turned on DX with a Pedigree.
- HHH and Test continue the beating of X-Pac after the match. The Outlaws try to make the save but they catch a beating as well until Kane arrives and runs off the Corporation.
- We now get a recap of the corporation and Ministry feud, it’s like Shakespeare, you know, if Shakespeare was really stupid.
Hell in a Cell: Big Boss Man vs The Undertaker
I think this match gets a bad rap. I mean it wasn’t a good match but it wasn’t actively awful like the Women’s was. It was more slow than anything, there weren’t any real big botches and other than Michael Cole’s commentary nothing was super terrible. This was just two big dudes slugging it out in the slowest possible manner. If it wasn’t at WrestleMania it would probably never be discussed at all, except for the aftermath.
Winner: Undertaker wins with the Tombstone.
- NOW is where the shit goes off the rails. The Brood get lowered from the ceiling (looking terrified I might add) and help the Undertaker HANG THE BIG BOSS MAN from the Cell and ceiling. It was so ridiculous, not only that but Cole shouting about 60 times “Is this symbolic of The Undertaker hanging the corporation?”. It was an actual hanging you moron, nothing symbolic about it. Now this is why the match probably gets a bad rap.
- AAAAAnd then we cut from a guy getting murdered to the WrestleMania Rage Party, featuring the Cherry Poppin Daddies! Yeah this was 1999…why do you ask?
- Michael Cole steps aside so JR can call the main event.
- Guest Referee Vinnie Mac makes his way out only to be interrupted by 1986 Don Johnson…wait Commissioner Shawn Michaels. Shawn reads Vince the riot act and kicks him out of the reffing job.
No Disqualification/WWE Championship: (C) The Rock vs “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
These guys had 3 matches at Mania and this was the worst of them. Now the other two were amazing so this isn’t an insult, but this was just really good instead of excellent. But, of the 3 matches they had this had the best backstory though with the whole Corporate Champion angle. They brawled all over the place and had the crowd jacked from the opening bell. Then they went through four officials to get us to the homestretch, including Mick. This was still by a mile the best match on this show and deserves a look.
Winner: Austin got the win with the Stunner.
- After the match Austin and Earl celebrated with beers. McMahon tried to intervene but got his ass kicked and a beer bath. He never did learn.
Overall Thoughts: This show wasn’t as bad as I remember it being but it still wasn’t anything special. It really only had one awesome match and the rest was just OK at best.
The Women’s Championship match was the only thing that was outright awful though. I’ll just put this in the middle as far as WrestleMania’s go.
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