April 3, 2005
Los Angeles, California
Commentators: JR and King for Raw, Cole and Tazz for SmackDown
- Lillian Garcia kicks us off with “America the Beautiful”. She was good as always, plus probably saved them a couple of bucks.
- We get some recaps of the fun commercials they had for this year.
Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio
Both guys were Co-WWE Tag Team Champions at this point and had a lot to live up to as far as their matches together. The Halloween Havoc match in particular had to weigh heavy on them. Pretty good back and forth early on as you would expect. Rey keeps messing with his mask like Rousey and her shorts. Eddie keeps Rey grounded early and neither man has too big of an advantage. Eddie has gone for several pins early on and keeps the pressure on. Eddie puts a nice surfboard on Rey but falls into a two count. He then slaps an STF on and you can see the wheels in John Cena’s head working backstage. Rey is finally able to gain momentum by giving Eddie a huge armdrag to the floor and following with a corkscrew Plancha. He still won’t leave the damn mask alone though. Rey tries to keep the pace off but Eddie cuts him off and tries 3 Amigos. Rey counters but Eddie still keeps control. He tries the 3 Amigos again but gets caught in a headscissor takeover and in prime 619 position. Rey missed though and got caught in a backbreaker for two. The 3 Amigos finally hit and Eddie goes up but missed the Frog Splash. Rey tried to roll up Eddie but Eddie reversed for a 2 of his own. Rey still won’t leave the mask alone but hits the 619 anyway. The West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb from Eddie for two. Eddie is past frustrated but the crowd is all behind him. Eddie follows Rey into the corner and gets hit with a back elbow and then the rana/rollup for the three. A really good match that could have been great if Rey would leave his damn mask alone.
Winner: Rey got the pin with the Rana pin.
- There is a handshake after the match. Now half the matches on the indies ends with it.
- JBL and his cabinet are walking and yammering about some stuff. They run into HHH and Flair who mock them. They both talk a lot of shit. Jerks. Flair rules though.
- Hey it’s Sandler and Schneider. Neat.
Money in the Bank: Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit vs Christian (w/Tomko) vs Intercontinental Champion Shelton Benjamin vs Edge vs Kane
Here we are folks, the very first MITB. I miss Benoit’s music honestly, not as much as Christians old song though. They all try and jump Kane before he gets to the ring…didn’t work. Bodies are going to be everywhere so bear with me on this. Oh, there is the bell. Shelton and Jericho are the only ones in the ring at first and Shelton takes the Bulldog. Christain does the springboard cross to the floor but that is quickly out shined by Shelton’s crazy ass Tope. Kane then goes up with a crossbodyish move. All of this was new when these guys did this stuff really. Kane starts killing fools with the ladder until Jericho dropkicks the ladder into the Monster. Now Jericho is killing people. Benoit German’s Jericho and causes him to toss the ladder. Benoit is the first to actually set up a ladder but gets caught by Kane. Benoit reverses into a crossface until Edge breaks it up. What a jerk. He gets caught in the crossface himself before Kane shoves a ladder through Benoit’s face. Shocking that he had brain damage. Kane then breaks his arm with a ladder until Edge spears him. E&C team up to take out Kane but then Shelton takes them out. Edge sets up a ladder in the corner and Shelton eats it. Edge’s spear attempt sends him into the ladder. We get a Shelton chant. He then kills Edge with a Stinger Splash on the ladder. He’s alone with the ladder but gets stopped by Jericho. Christian sets up another ladder and Benoit joins him. Edge shows up with a ladder now. Benoit and Christian eat shit and are followed by Jericho. Shelton murders Edge with a T-Bone suplex off the ladder now. King says it was 16 feet in the air…off the 4th rung of a ladder…maybe some hyperbole there. Jericho and Christian fight and set up ladders in a highly suspect manner. Shelton then runs up the thing like fucking Spiderman and kills Jericho. Shelton is climbing now, he was on fire in this thing. Christian cuts him off only to see himself get cut off by Kane. Shelton eats a chokeslam and somehow his foot gets tied up in the ropes. Tomko arrives in the fray and takes out Kane. He sets up a ladder and drags Christian to it and puts him on his shoulders until Kane stops it. He dumps Christian to the floor off the ladder and on to Tomko. Kane almost makes it but Jericho makes the save. Both guys eat shit off of that. One armed Benoit sets up a ladder and climbs up for a diving headbutt on Kane…brain damage. He’s busted open now. That fucker was so good that it makes me mad all over again. Benoit chant from the crowd. Kane set up and stops the Benoit climb. He hits Kane with a dozen headbutts to take him out. He’s so close but Edge arrives with a chair to kill Benoit. Edge is a pimp and wins this son of a bitch. Fucking Great car wreck.
Winner: Edge retrieved the briefcase for the win.
- Eugene arrives for some reason. God Bless Nick Dinsmore for this. He was right about the midget army deal…they are awesome. Then Muhammad Hassan and Daivari arrive to spoil the party. Ugh I hated this crap at the time and now I hate it more somehow. Wow, this crowd put the “What” on this fool”. They attack Eugene. Hogan arrives and blows the roof off the joint to make the save. Like, this pop is HUGE. They attack Hulk but take the beating from the old guy. As they should’ve really, Hogan was over as hell here. Posing happens. David Arquette approves.
- Orton/Taker hype video. Taker was a mere 12-0 at this show.
The Undertaker vs Randy Orton
The druid entrance from the Taker always pops me. The bastard floats to the ring this time. Speaking of old music I loved, Randy’s them rocked it. The fool slaps Taker like a dumb ass. He looks good for a second before Taker punches his face off. He tries the RKO but gets dumped like a sack of shit. Taker nails the apron legdrop. Old school which Randy takes like shit. Taker misses a big boot and Randy dropkicks him to the floor. Randy takes control with his basic ass 2005 offense until he takes a running DDT from Taker. Taker nails a huge side suplex for two. Taker just starts murdering this fool. Taker nails Snake Eyes but gets caught with a back elbow. Orton back on boring ass offense but Taker sits up. They start slugging it out and a Randy sucks chant starts. Orton gets knocked out with a clothesline for two. Taker locks in the Dragon Sleeper but Orton reverses into a DDT for two. Chinlock city from Randy but Taker fights out. Randy hooks a sleeper but Taker suplexes out of it. Taker hits a big boot but runs into the powerslam from Randy for two. Randy then gets on the top rope to punch Taker because he’s never seen the Last Ride apparently. Taker goes for it but Randy slips out and tries the RKO but ends up taking out the ref. Cowboy Bob arrives with the cast on that long injured arm but Taker kicks out at two. Taker sits up and Randy poops himself. Cowboy Bob makes the mistake of getting back up on the apron and takes a boot to the skull. The chokeslam is countered into the RKO…for two. Orton calls for the Tombstone. He gets him up but it gets reversed. Heck of a solid contest that would be amazing if you put 2019 Randy in it instead of the 05 version.
Winner: The Undertaker wins with the Tombstone. 13-0.
- Recap of Women’s Title setup. Heel Trish is always my Jam
Women’s Championship: Christy Hemme (w/Lita) vs (C) Trish Stratus
Trish wins the gear battle…and probably everything else. Trish is a dick early and kinda kicks her ass. Christy blocks the Chick Kick with a kick to Trish’s…um…downstairs area. What a cheating ass jerk. I love Trish but she’s calling spots a bit too loudly. In her defense Christy fucking sucks. Lita tries to help but Trish punks her out. Christy rolls up Trish for two after Trish gets distracted. Christy takes over with some old bullshit. She then hits a Twist of Fate for two. They reverse a rollup and Trish gets mad and kicks her face off. Thank god that shit is over. I love me some Trish but she wasn’t a miracle worker.
Winner: Trish retains with the Chick Kick.
- Recap of the Angle/Michaels deal. I’ve SEEN this match and I’m still freaking hyped.
- Hey a ZZ Top guy and a lady from a show my Mom watches was there.
Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle
I was 1000% rooting for Kurt when this match happened the first time. Now I just want to see how it holds up. Shawn slaps Kurt and then gets taken down like stat. The crowd chants for Angle and Shawn keeps a side headlock applied. Kurt drives Shawn in to the corner to break it up. Pretty much a stalemate early on. Shawn goes back to the headlock one more time. Kurt gets out but Shawn counters with a short arm scissors to keep this match grounded. Kurt powers out but gets caught in a sunset flip. Shawn then gets a backslide for two and then regroups with the side headlock. Kurt powers out and they start throwing shots in the corner. Kurt gets the brief advantage and locks the ankle lock in but Shawn escapes and a clothesline takes both dudes out to the floor. This match is still my jam. Shawn clears off an announce table and breaks the count. Kurt then catches him and lays in some huge shots. They trade moves on the floor but Shawn catches an Angle Slam into the ring post. As always, any move to Shawn’s back scares everyone and this was highly effective. Kurt then attacks that back because he rules. He then applies a body scissors to Shawn and puts him in a bad spot. Dueling chants from thew crowd. Shawn fights back but gets caught in a belly to belly. A second gets a two count. Kurt goes to work on Shawn’s back like a machine. They go back and forth with shots until Shawn slaps Kurt again like a moron and then gets killed with a clothesline. They fight up top and Shawn wins but misses the top rope elbow. Kurt gets backdropped to the floor in a frightening manner. Shawn nails a crossbody from the top to the floor and almost kills himself. A big Angle chant fires up. He tries a German from the apron to the floor but Shawn fights it with a dick kick. The crowd hated that. Kurt ended up on the table and Shawn nails a reverse crossbody to Kurt so that both dudes are dead. Well…this is pretty good. Both guys are out but they make it back before the ten count. Shawn nails the flying forearm and nips up to take control. Shawn then nails the big elbow and the crowd goes ape shit. Shawn tunes up the band but gets caught with the ankle lock. Shawn tries to escape as best he can but Kurt holds on. He finally makes the ropes to boos. Kurt goes for the Angle Slam but it is reversed. Shawn goes for SCM but it gets reversed to the Slam for two. Son of a bitch this match is great. Angle pulls the straps up then back down to attempt a moonsault in a failed attempt. Shawn heads back up but gets caught with an Angle Slam for two. Kurt loses his shit but catches SCM and both guys are down. Shawn crawls over for a pin and gets a looong two count. JR thinks both guys will be in the Hall of Fame…no shit? Shawn staggers up and Kurt catches the ankle lock. Shawn tries to get out but Kurt is the man at this point. The grapevine is locked in and Shawn is DONE SON. He holds on for way too long but it’s over. One of the greatest WrestleMania matches ever and maybe ever for any show.
Winner: Kurt got the win with the super ankle lock.
- Shawn gets a well deserved ovation, even from Mae and Moolah.
- Piper is in the house for some Piper’s Pit! Stone Cold is his guest and the place explodes obviously. I miss both of these bastards. Piper slaps Austin…maybe not a good call. Austin responds in kind. Piper hates the “What “deal. Steve is trying to keep from laughing. Steve was AMAZING. Oh, crap I forgot Carlito. He may die. Piper drops an Alfalfa reference which was so hip in 2005. Carlito offers the old guys to walk to the back. Piper steals the apple! Carlito then attacks Piper while Austin laughs. Then Austin stomps a mudhole, then an eye poke and a Stunner end the kids night. Austin and Piper share some beers after killing the kid. Piper than forgets to DTA and eats the Stunner.
Sumo Match: Akebono vs Big Show
Akebono is a big bastard with a sweet robe. Big Show looks like he is on vacation. It’s amazing how much better Show looks today than over a decade ago. This is like the Brawl for All except worse for Big Show. Ummmmm… this was a thing but Big Show got tossed. I can’t say whether this was good or bad to be honest.
Winner: Akebono via hip toss?
- JBL/Cena hype. JBL was such a great dick. Cena was such a great fake street thug.
WWE Championship: (C) JBL vs John Cena
The champion should never come out first. JBL money drops from the ceiling. I was hoping for the old Cena theme but it is what it is. Wow, it’s hard to remember underdog young pup Cena. JBL takes over with basic stuff early. Apparently boring offense is vintage JBL. He does nail a nice spinebuster though. The crowd is chanting for Cena but JBL keeps laying in punches and other basic bitch shit. How did this fucker keep the belt this long? A short clothesline almost killed Cena and then back to some boring shit like a sleeper. Cena backdrops out of a sleeper but they both just lay there until they hit a double clothesline. JBL dumps Cena and nails like his 100th neckbreaker of the match (Tazz says 3rd) on the floor. I’m bored but JBL gets a two. The superplex from JBL takes both dudes out but only gets a two count. JBL goes up top and gets caught in a powerslam for some reason. Cena then kicks ass and gets the 5 knuckle shuffle on the champ. He pumps up and then ducks a clothesline from hell and hits an FU for the first of of 16 (at this point) Championships. The match was alright at best. John celebrates with the crowd though so good for him.
Winner: Cena wins with an FU.
- Recap of the Hall of Famers. What an amazing class this was.
- Gene introduces the Hall of Fame. Nikolai Volkoff, The Iron Sheik, Paul Orndorff, Bob Orton, Jimmy Hart, Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan. God bless these dudes.
- Recap of HHH/Batista. WWE rules with these things.
- Motorhead plays HHH down…poorly.
World Heavyweight Championship: (C) HHH (w/Ric Flair) vs Batista
Wow, Lemmy has no idea how this song goes. Once again the champion should not come out first but here we are. This seems apropos in 2019 considering the match this year. Not much happens early on. A lot of I’m stronger crap. HHH tries for the Pedigree but gets a Gorilla Press Slam for his effort. Batista barely got him up for that. He’s sucking air early on. HHH takes a huge backdrop and is bumping like a madman for Dave. He connects with a high knee though that sens the big guy to the floor. Flair distracts Batista and HHH takes advantage by running him in to the steps. Time for some choking by both The Game and Flair. HHH is going pretty slowly on offense, I’m not sure whether that is for his or Dave’s benefit. A suplex gets a two for HHH, he follows that up with a backbreaker and more Flair shenanigans. Spinebuster gets several two counts for The Game. He gets another two off a neckbreaker, this pace is slow y’all. Dave powers out of another Pedigree attempt but ducks his head on a facebuster for another two. HHH heads up top and gets murdered with a clothesline on his way down. Dave gets a sideslam for two and then runs straight in to a boot. He then comes back by giving HHH an Irish Whip over the top and to the floor. The moron then follows HHH and gets ran into the stairs. I get it HHH is smart but not that smart, he stops the ten count and goes for a Pedigree on the stairs. Dave countered that dumb shit with a catapult into the post. HHH is bleeding like a 1980’s wrestling magazine cover and Dave killing him. I miss blood sometimes. Dave just starts unloading on the corpse of HHH. HHH starts begging a bit but gets nothing in response but more ass whipping. Dave nails him with a powerslam for two and HHH tries to bail again. Flair gets knocked out and HHH gets a chair shot stopped by the ref. The ref is down so Ric tries a belt shot but ate the spinebuster instead. HHH does get the belt shot though and the ref is finally in position but only for a two count. HHH runs into the spinebuster and blood is flying. The Batista Bomb is blocked with a nut shot from the Cerebral Assassin (you have to be really smart to hit someone in the dick) and HHH goes for the Pedigree again and fails. Dave actually countered that with an Air Raid Crash and invented half of this decades Indie Wrestler’s finisher. The rope shake and thumbs down leads to the end of the road for HHH. It actually picked up in the last few minutes or so after Batista took control. The match wasn’t an all time great but it was solid and everything is better with blood and the Fink saying “AND NEW”.
Winner: Batista got the gold with the Batista Bomb.
Overall Thoughts: This was a good WrestleMania. A lot of memorable events went down and most of the matches were at least good if not really good. It made new stars and set up the future of the company for a while. I dug it.
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