April 2, 2000
Commentators: JR and the King
- Lillian Garcia is out to sing the National Anthem, she nailed it as usual. She wasn’t a great announcer, but man could she sing that song.
- Ice T is out to rap Godfather, D-Lo and the hoes out for our first match.
Godfather and D-Lo (with Ice T and a bevy of Hoes) vs Big Boss Man and Bull Buchanon
You would assume a match with TWO Hall of Famers in it would be good, but in this case you would be wrong. The crowd was incredibly into the Godfather and his ladies though. Pretty basic stuff that was decent when D-Lo and Boss Man were in but less so when it came to Bull or Godfather. D-Lo nailed the best move of the match with a top rope Hurricanrana on Bull, but other than that it was basic.
Winner: Bull pinned D-Lo after a Boss Man slam and top rope leg drop.
- Boss Man and Bull run the hoes off after the match. That’ll turn them heel in Lawler’s eyes. Oh just so you know, he was full on creep mode for that match.
- HHH and Steph are backstage admiring their belts and not much else.
- We now get a referee led meeting about the rules of the Hardcore Championship Battle Royal…prepare for a Mongolian Cluster Fuck.
Hardcore Championship Battle Royal: Tazz vs Viscera vs Pet Gas vs Rodney vs Joey Abs vs Hardcore Holly vs Funaki vs Taka vs Mosh vs Thrasher vs Bradshaw vs Farooq vs (C) Crash Holly
This isn’t a traditional over the top Battle Royal, pins count and they count anywhere. Before I get started I just want to say what a fucking waste this was of Tazz. Dude came in hot at the Rumble and now he’s in this shit, ridiculous. I’m just going to cover the title changes I guess because it’s hard to keep track of this cluster. TAZZ wins the title 30 seconds in after a capture suplex on Crash. 30 seconds later Tazz drops the title to VISCERA after being squashed on the floor. Other than both Crash and Pete Gas bleeding gushers not much is worth reporting, dudes hitting each other with plunder. After being slammed off the top and destroyed by the Acolytes, Viscera finally gets pinned by Kaientai and Mosh at the same time. FUNAKI got the win because who gives a shit, he proves to be pretty smart by bailing to the back. Sadly he followed and is pinned by RODNEY after being rammed into some railings. 24 seconds later JOEY ABS pins his buddy with a Gutwrench suplex on the concrete. That reign doesn’t last long because THRASHER rammed his head into a garage door for the title. Thrasher heads back to ringside but gets cut off by PETE GAS who uses the fire extinguisher for the victory. TAZZ ends the Pete Gas path of rage with a Tazzplex on the floor for his second championship of the match. The last couple of minutes are all about the Holly cousins and Tazz. CRASH regains the title after multiple cookie sheet shots on Tazz. Tazz tries to retaliate with the Tazzmission but HARDCORE smashes a cookie jar into both their faces at the last second for the win. They completely screwed up the ending by the way, total confusion, JR kept saying Crash kicked out (he didn’t move) and acted like it was controversial. Hardcore looked pissed and they had to bring the belt back from Crash. Weird.
Winner: Hardcore Holly after a candy jar smash.
- We get a recap of the Access celebration, plus I get to see Trish so win, win.
- Al Snow is talking to a mysterious person on the toilet when Blackman comes in to tell him he doesn’t want any shenanigans. Al says he will abstain but, it’s Al so if Steve bought that he is kind of an idiot.
- We jump to a SUPER CLOSE UP of Trish’s tits while she walks with T&A to the ring. Sometimes I understand how Kevin Dunn keeps his job.
- Al introduces us to the new Head Cheese mascot, Chester McCheeserton. It is a little person in a cheese costume, shockingly Steve is not amused.
Head Cheese (Al Snow and Steve Blackman) vs T&A (Test and Albert with Trish Stratus)
Hey good news! There are two Hall of Famers in this match! The bad news is they are Teddy Long and Trish. This was technically fine but outside of Trish and that little guy sexually harassing her the crowd just wasn’t into it. Al did his best to try to inject some charisma into Blackman but the man was just a black hole of charisma. They did have good teamwork though, including a sweet double team legdrop decapitation move. I always thought that Test and Albert had a lot of untapped potential as a team but unfortunately they were in a huge tag team era and didn’t get a shot. The crowd not caring really took me out of it, but Trish kept bringing me back so we will call it a wash.
Winner: T&A after a Gorilla Press/Flying Elbow combo, with Test pinning Steve.
- After the match Al apologizes to Steve and they both destroy the little cheese man.
- After this we get a skit where they rip off Austin Powers featuring a naked cat and Mae Young. You got to give it to the Kat she had ZERO problem being naked at the drop of a hat. That’s teamwork my friend.
- The Dudley’s are with Michael Cole and are going to retain the tag titles tonight. I forgot how terrible Bubba’s southern accent was.
Triangle Tag Team Ladder/WWE Tag Team Championships: Edge and Christian vs Hardy Boyz vs (C) Dudley Boyz
This group of teams has had amazing matches of this type every single time out and this one was no exception. The only difference between this and the others is that this one was the first. All the awesome spots you would see in later TLC matches had their prototypes done in this match. Jeff Hardy speared off a ladder, Bubba cutters off ladders, tables used as scaffolds, Jeff jumping off high shit? All are here and they may not be perfected yet but they are still amazing. This may not be the best match these 3 teams had but it was awesome in it’s own way and influenced everything that came after it. I can’t praise the effort or match itself enough.
Winner: E&C got the win by shoving Matt off the table/ladder scaffold for the win. (That table exploded on impact, amazing.)
- Backstage with Kevin Kelly who is accompanied by Mick Foley and
Steve BlackmanLinda McMahon. Mick tries to make the best out of being surrounded by charisma-less weirdos but even he can’t save this.
Cat Fight: Terri Runnels (w/ Fabulous Moolah) vs Kat (w/ Mae Young) Special Referee Val Venis
To tell you what kind of match this was, our referee had a jizz themed t-shirt on. Both ladies wore see thru jump suits and brought women old enough to be their grandmothers to the ring with them. The high spot in the match was Mae Young kissing Val. If you like pretty women in no clothes flailing around it’s fine for that, but as wrestling…woof.
Winner: Terri got the win after Moolah pulled Kat out of the ring.
- After that garbage Mae “hits” Moolah with a “Bronco Buster” and Kat strips Terri. Moving on.
- The Radicalz are having a meeting and Eddie is in full “Latino Heat” mode. Meanwhile their opponents are the whitest kids you wish you didn’t know.
The Radicalz (Light Heavyweight Champion Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn and Eddie Guerrero) vs Chyna and Too Cool (Scotty Too Hotty and Grand Master Sexay)
This had 4 really good wrestlers in it so it wasn’t too bad. I’ll let you determine who they were. Most of the story revolved around Chyna and Eddie and it ended up being a fun thing to watch. The Radicalz were seriously underused as a group, I enjoyed them teaming up and wrecking fools. Lost in all his troubles, Perry Saturn’s elbow from the top may have been one of the prettiest ever. Malenko and Eddie were obviously great and the babyfaces did their jobs as well. Other than Chyna being worried about her pants too much not too shabby.
Winner: Chyna pinned Eddie with a drop sleeper.
- We get footage of some VERY year 2000 people winning a WrestleMania contest.
- Big Show and Shane say generic wrestling threats.
- We get footage of Kurt Angle attacking Bob Backlund on Sunday Night Heat after he realizes Bob was the one who set up the ridiculous match he has tonight.
- Kurt annoys a poor security guard for extra security after his victory.
- Jericho panders to the crowd as only he can.
2 Fall /Triple Threat for the Intercontinental Championship and European Championship: Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit vs (C) Kurt Angle
This is the WrestleMania debut for 3 of the greatest professional wrestlers in history and it was…fine. The screwing of Kurt Angle just seemed weird, yeah he didn’t get pinned and they stressed that but, that’s the point of these matches really. You don’t have to be pinned, kinda the deal. The match was good, but it should have been a classic. All 3 guys worked really hard and you can tell they wanted it to work but for some reason everything didn’t click. I remember being disappointed at the time, and really I liked it fine but it just felt like it should have been Pulp Fiction and turned out to be Jackie Brown. Like, sure it was OK but not what we were expecting.
Winners: Fall 1- Benoit pinned Jericho with the diving headbutt to claim the IC belt
Fall 2- Jericho pinned Benoit after a missed diving headbutt and a Lionsault to claim the European title.
- Cole is backstage with “Pretending to be a nice guy” Vince McMahon who “Guarantees” that he will make things right tonight.
- HHH is with Stephanie he is the Game, that damn good etc etc.
Degeneration X (X-Pac and Road Dogg with Tori) vs Rikishi and Kane (w/Paul Bearer)
The Hall of Famers DX (well…not Tori) get to come out to the awesome Run DMC version of their theme tonight. That may have been the highlight for me. This wasn’t a match, it was like 5 minutes of everyone hitting their signature stuff and the heels getting a beating. It was probably only made to set up the post match activities.
Winner: Kane pinned X-Pac after a Tombstone.
- After the match Too Cool and the San Diego Chicken come out to dance. Kane still has trust issues with the chicken so he attacks after the dancing is over. Pete Rose then continues their feud by trying to attack from behind. One chokeslam and an ass to the face later and Pete leaves WrestleMania in embarrassment again. I just want to say how much fun Paul bearer looked like he was having as a babyface out there. It was nice to see.
- Kevin Kelly is with the Rock to discuss the main event. I don’t know if this is common knowledge but the Rock is good at talking and stuff.
Fatal 4-Way for the WWE Championship: Mick Foley (w/Linda_ vs Big Show (w/ Shane) vs The Rock (w/Vince) vs (C) HHH (w/Stephanie)
I really liked this match. At the time (and to be honest a lot since) people have complained that it should have been a 1 on 1 match with Rock and the game, I’m not saying they are wrong but this was a really good main event. All 4 of these men played their parts well and the crowd was into almost every second of this thing. From the Big Show dominating early, to everyone teaming up (and then turning on each other) with everyone else to it coming down to the 2 everyone wanted to see to begin with it was awesome. Was it the traditional main event for WrestleMania? No, but I think that was the point they were going for. It was new and different and I think they pulled it off. Of course when it came down to the classic one on style match up it also ruled but the journey was part of it. Really good main event.
Elimination 1– Big show was pinned after a chair shot from Foley and the Rock Bottom.
Elimination 2– Foley was pinned after a Pedigree, chair shot and Pedigree on a chair.
Winner: HHH retained the title after Vince turned on the Rock and nailed him with 2 chair shots.
- After the match the McMahons reunited before the Rock layed them all out and hit Stephanie with the People’s Elbow to send the crowd home less pissed.
Overall Thoughts: This was really a show that was made for the time in place it aired in. Some of the stuff held up really well but other things like the attacks on women and Lawler’s “humor” did not age well. In ring wise this was a fine show, had some good matches, a couple great ones and some stinkers. On a positive note there was no Kid Rock appearance. Not a bad show really, just not an all time great.
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