July 29, 2018
Hamilton, ON, Canada
Commentator: Reed Duthie
- Because it is The Purge there are NO RULES.
- We get a promo from the tag champs to start things off.
Match 1: Alpha-1 Tag Team Title
(C) Western Med Connection (Dr. Daniel C. Rockingham and Jim Nye) vs Space Pirates (Space Monkey and Shane Sabre)
Notes and Opinion: Things didn’t get off to a good start for the tag champs. It seemed like everyone from their challengers to random people in the crowd were kicking their asses. Literally the only offense they get in for 5 minutes is a stomp on Space Monkey’s tail. Effective… but not super effective. The champs finally take control the way all good athletes do, by hitting their opponent with a hover board. They keep Shane at bay with some good old fashioned double teaming. The vicious bastards are even using paper cuts to stay in command. Jerks. They add a Smirnoff to the wound to add umm..alcohol to injury? Shane finally gets the hot tag to Monkey who comes in with both a big chop and a bag of Warheads. Both champs get the warhead treatment but poor Nye starts to choke. Dr. Dan tries to make the save with the Heimlich but Monkey tries a rollup causing a German to be applied. Luckily Nye made it fine. I was concerned. It starts to break down to a brawl again with Dan using skewers on the gut of Monkey. Then the bastard stabs his TAIL…sick fuck. Tacks are out. Shane is back and kisses then mists Nye. Then we get a monkey flip into a spear on Nye. Tail whip for Doc. Doc fights back though and goes all Memphis with a fireball to Shane. This is a hardcore comedy match. A rare beast in the wrestling world. Monkey rubs his now tape wrapped tail into the tacks and gives Doc another tail whip. This time for the gold. Really fun opener.
Winner: Space Pirates got the titles with a tack/tail whip on Dr. Dan…the place goes…(it has to be done) BANANAS!
- Holden Albright cuts a promo. Yep, he seems like a weirdo.
Match 2: Single
Kody Lane vs Holden Albright
Notes and Opinion: Starting out fast and Lane sends Albright to the floor with a rana. He then follows it up with a big boot and corkscrew plancha. These guys were apparently a replacement match but nobody tell them that. The chair is in play for both guys with Kody getting the better of that exchange. Kody takes to long getting a ladder in the ring though and gets it see-sawed back into his grill. Albright gets a two off some strikes and a running ass to the face. He then wins me over by starting in with the suplexes. I gotta say before I continue that the ladder they are using is some kinda weird extension ladder and is throwing me off. Speaking of which, Lane gets spit on and tossed into it to the outside. That’s effective. Lane fights back only to take a buckle bomb into the ladder. Might want to switch the gameplan up a bit bud. Albright takes a bit too long setting up the cannonball and goes through it once Lane evades. That ladder broke like hell. Lane gets back in control and nails a Finlay Roll on the big fella then follows it up with a back senton. Albright fights back with another throw and a bridging German. Lane retaliates with another back senton and a front flip backstabber. Slingshot cutter by Lane then both men collide on a crossbody with Albright ending up on top. He only gets a two count out of that but one package piledriver on a chair later and it’s over. Considering the circumstances these kids did an amazing job of stepping up.
Winner: Albright with a package piledriver on a chair.
Match 3: #1 Contender
Austin Theory vs Kobe Durst
Notes and Opinion: This should be good. We get a lot of stalling from Austin to start. Finally Austin shoves Kobe by the face and they exchange quick two counts and end up in the indie standoff. A little bit of back and forth before a powerbomb is blocked and Kobe ends up taking him over the top with the rana. Big kick and Asai Moonsault puts Kobe in command. It wasn’t meant to last though because Austin cuts him off on the way back in by crotching him on the top. Theory start the offense a gets a couple of 1 counts including a good one off a nice snap suplex. Austin has given a different account of every pinfall attempt though, he thinks 1 is 5 and or 7 most of the time. That’s one THEORY I guess…I’ll be here all week. He stays in control with some stomps and a side headlock but hits all knees on a standing moonsault. Kobe nails a top rope Codebreaker and we are all even with both competitors on the mat. Forearm exchange won by Kobe but cut off with a boot by Austin. Kobe catches him with a Code Red out of the corner and Theory rolls through. Kobe follows up with some running forearms and a Rough Rider for 2. Kobe is backdropped out on a piledriver attempt and then Austin tries to knee his face off on the floor. Kobe blocks an apron powerbomb but only gets posted for his troubles. Austin whips him back in a nails a wicked rolling dropkick and a Blue Thunder Bomb for 2. Frustration is starting to set in. Kobe turns it back around again with a huge forearm and the piledriver for a close 2 count. Kobe grabs a crutch from outside the ring and then decides not to use it. This act of sportsmanship gets him forearmed in the damn head. It’s the Purge bro… use the crutch. Theory used the damn thing though, he used it to choke Kobe before setting him up on the top rope for a superplex. Kobe manages to block that but comes off right into a crutch to the balls from Theory. One TKO later and that’s all of that. Really good back and forth contest with Kobe keeping up with Theory really well.
Winner: Austin got the win following a ball shot and TKO.
- Theory then cuts a cocky ass promo that luckily gets interrupted by RSP. This match is happening right about nowsies.
Match 4: Alpha Male Title
(C) Rickey Shane Page vs Austin Theory
Notes and Opinion: A note before we start, I love Rickey’s happy ass so this will probably get a thumbs up from me regardless of quality. Rickey kicks his face in to start. He keeps up the beating and a stunner has Austin retreating to the floor to try and regroup. That doesn’t work because RSP takes the beating around ringside for a bit. He rolls Theory back in for a 2 count off a backbreaker. RSP sets him up top for a superplex but gets crotched instead. Theory hits an anticlimactic elbow for 1. The ladder is now in play and RSP gets put through it via an Irish Whip for a two count. Theory chokes RSP with the broken ladder like a real dick. He then brings the chair in and nails RSP while throwing some taunting in. He then dropkicks RSP out of the chair and gets a DDT for 2. A little too much shit talking earns him a fired up RSP and a back elbow. Rickey then nails him with a crutch to the throat a big boot and a Twist of Fate and is on a roll. A rolling blockbuster by Theory stops the bleeding momentarily with a 2 count. They start trading a blows and a sunset flip is stopped and reversed into a big slam by Rickey for 2. RSP is up for the Money shot but falls victim to the same fate as Kobe and gets a crutch ball shot and TKO. This time it only gets a two though. Gotta hand it to Austin, he’s sticking to what works. He then heads to the back and finds a door for some more violence. He spent a bit too much time on arts and crafts though as RSP recovered enough to block the tko through the chair with a chokebreaker. One superplex through a door later and Rickey retains. Good performance by both guys and Theory delivers twice in one night.
Winner: RSP with a superplex through a door.
- BMD cuts a promo on Sane which is immediately followed by Greg calling himself “Papa Schlongo”. That is one serious swing in tone.
Match 5: Outer Limits Title/ 4-Way Elimination
(C) BMD vs Joey Ryan vs Gregory Iron vs Justin Sane
Notes and Opinion: I’m not going to lie guys, I’m not going to be able to keep up on play by play probably. There will be some dick related humor though. We get Joey’s dick related shenanigans to start though. Justin Sane plays killjoy to that though…what a dick. He then shows off the power by nailing Iron with 3 straight powerbombs for 2. We then get a flurry of offense for a bit with each guy pairing off for a sec. Sane found out the HARD way not to try to atomic drop Joey. A hardcore match goes on on the the outside while Joey and Greg fight it out inside. They switch places not long after though and the chair is in the ring. Sane crushes BMD with a springboard splash onto 3 chairs for a two count. Joey Ryan is in and Sane takes the penis suplex and then the lollipop is out! Gregory ends up taking that and a superkick from Joey and he is the first ELIMINATED. Sane tries to low blow Joey from behind and damn near breaks his arm. You would figure he would have done a little research for this match but what do I know. Poor Joey‘s dick couldn’t help him much on the next bit as he gets rolled up by Sane (with his feet on the ropes) for our next ELIMINATION. It’s down to Sane and BMD. They duel with chairs to start off our 1 on 1 potion of the contest. A springboard splash by Sane misses and BMD gets a double underhook backbreaker for 2. BMD then attacks with a chair but misses a big boot in the corner and falls victim to a rolling elbow. Sane then chokes BMD so hard with a kendo stick that it breaks in half. We get two apron legdrops and then a series of legdrops and elbows back to back for a 2. He then exposes the top turnbuckle but gets blocked while trying a low blow. BMD then takes over with some more chair action. He follows that up with a big running boot but gets crotched on the exposed buckle while heading up top. Sane nails him with a step up kick and they both fight for control on the top. Sane gets pushed off but Sabu’s BMD and then nails him with a straight chairshot so he can unveil his secret weapon…a bag of Thomas the Tank Engine Tracks? I stepped on a couple this morning and they are annoying but not exactly a match ender. Sane ends up into his own exposed buckle and takes a slam on the tracks for 2. BMD loses his shit now and goes back to the old faithful chair. He then sets it on Sane’s Chest for a 450 and the exclamation point on the match. This went from a fun little comedy match to a pretty good little war in a hurry. Greg and Joey are obvious thumbs up guys but Sane and BMD did a hell of a job on their own.
Winner: BMD got the win with a chair assisted 450 splash.
Match 6: 3 Stages Of Hell
Monster Mafia (Ethan Page and Josh Alexander) vs Alessandro Del Bruno & Mark Wheeler
Stage 1: Tornado Tag
Notes and Opinion: DB and Wheeler attack during the intros. Alexander gets separated and eats a flurry of offense that includes a Falcon Arrow and a standing moonsault for 2. Ego doesn’t fare much better until the heels make the mistake of giving him a double Farmer’s Fling to fire him up. He then double clotheslines both guys down and the Mafia takes over with a lot of fun tandem offense. We settle down a bit and the heels take command again by separating the Mafia. Alexander takes a top rope elbow for 2 before that is broken up. DB nails him with a hesitation dropkick in the corner for another two and DB and Wheeler are all over him. A double team suplex gets another 2 and the heels are doing a masterful job of keeping Ego out. They continue their run of good fortune with another big flurry of offense culminating with a Code Red by DB for another 2. Page finally makes his return and killing DB with a springboard cutter for 2. JA rolls back out and they continue to stay separated in this contest. Ego gets a big last ride for 2 and then DB responds with a stunner for his own 2. JA is back and DB trades shots with him until the big man had enough and powerbombed the shit out of him. JA sets him up on his shoulders on the middle rope but DB is able to reverse that into a middle rope cutter for the 3 and the first fall. Hell of a match and the heels did a great job of keeping the faces apart so their tandem offense is of no use. Great story and start. 1-0 for Wheeler and DB
Stage 2: Falls Count Anywhere
Notes and Opinion: We start getting a bit wild now. Chairs are set up and used liberally and they are fighting all over the floor. Two chairs are set up for Alexander to slam DB off of but that gets reversed and he eats it gut first. Ego gives Wheeler a sidewalk slam through a chair on the apron for 2. I’m sure I’m missing some of this and for some reason the play by play guy vanished so if I miss some stuff it’s my bad. The Mafia make Wheeler watch while they give DB that throat/chair/ringpost spot. They then brawl outside with Wheeler in front of the church sign where Ego gives him a backbreaker. DB is back soon enough and nails a moonsault off the church sign for consecutive 2 counts on the Mafia. Then we head back in and the violence doesn’t stop. Pretty sure I saw a bag of Cheetos used as a weapon. They be Clubberin Tony! We get a Boston Crab by Ego on DB on the floor but to no avail. Wheeler hits a standing Sliced Bread on JA for 2 twice and loses his mind that it didn’t finish him. All four men brawl over to the concession stand counter. DB then nails another moonsault to Ego off of that. He then makes the mistake of calling his shot about a brainbuster to the floor on JA. That gets countered into a Tombstone on the counter to even the match up at 1 fall apiece. They used the HELL out of this stipulation and the match and stakes keep getting bigger and better. Off to fall number 3 and some tables.
Stage 3: Tables Match
Notes and Opinion: The Mafia start the fall grabbing some tables and getting DB alone in the ring. Before they get too far with it Wheeler makes the save for his partner. JA then takes a slingshot to the bottom of a table by DB. Everyone is clearly exhausted. Ego is left alone but reverses it into a flip of Wheeler towards a table, DB pulled it just in time though. More struggling back forth until poor Wheeler takes a Tombstone on the floor. He isn’t back for a while. DB sets up a table in the corner that he and Ego both hit but don’t go through. Ego then sets it on the top and hits a side slam on it and it still won’t break. Ego sets it in the corner again but DB evades that by backflipping off into a Tornado DDT. JA is in the fray now but eats a Destroyer from DB. DB then sets up another table in the ring. That’s two inside and one on the outside. I’d go with the inside table so no one gets hurt on the floor, then they would need Parks and Parks to bail them out of that mess. JA takes over on DB and is about to try something from the top but DB reverses and springboards in with the rana to put JA through the table and out of the match. Ego is all alone now and takes a drop toe hold into the edge of a table. Wheeler still isn’t back by the way. I guess he went wherever the commentary did. We now have two tables set up and Ego goes for eith a powerslam or Tombstone from one to the other. It doesn’t matter which because the one he was standing on slipped beneath them and almost crippled both guys. Scary stuff. He then give DB a Snow Plow through a table to finally send that kid packing. Hey Wheelers back! Plus his ass is hanging out for some reason! The Mafia try to double team him through a table but DB makes the save. DB takes a Tobstone for his troubles. With him gone and Page on the outside Wheeler and JA go toe to toe. Wheeler sets him up on the table but JA reverses that and gets a double underhook piledriver through that table to end it for the Mafia. (That kinda confused me because you would figure Ego would have had to do it. That’s nitpicky but damn where was commentary?) Hell of an ending though.
Winner: The Mafia 2-1.
Notes and Opinion: Shit folks. That was one hour of one of the hardest hitting, wildest and best stories I have seen in a while. All four of these men went out there and brought it in this one. A hell of a main event and proper way to end a show.
- Ego promises that the Mafia will have gold before the end of 2018.
- Greg seems sad but Joey cheers him up by complimenting his junk and offering to team up.
Overall Thoughts: This was an awesome show from our friends in the Great White North. All the matches were fun to watch and the show was just about the right length to sit down and have a few beers to watch. I really enjoyed this and I think that Alpha-1 may be one of my new favorite companies to watch.
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