I tried to wait on doing this review until I was able to control my feelings on it a little bit. I’ll be damned if that didn’t work in the slightest. There will be cursing, my apologies in advance.
July, 15, 2018
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, The Coach, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
Match 1: RAW Tag Team Championship
(C) Matt Hardy & Bray Wyatt vs Curtis Axel & Bo Dallas
Notes and Opinion: This was about a RAW match as you can get. The crowd loves both teams and that helped a little bit but this was still not a super way to start the night off. The highlight was the face-off between Bray and Bo, other than that it was forgettable stuff.
Winner: The B-Team got the win after a draping neckbreaker from Bo to Matt. NEW CHAMPIONS!
- In the back, Kurt finally mans up and threatens to strip Brock of the title if he doesn’t show up for work once in a while.
Match 2: Single
Finn Balor vs Constable Corbin
Notes and Opinion: I didn’t hate the match, but the fucking commentary making the former Universal Champion seem like Mikey Whipreck definitely got old in a hurry. I get it guy, Finn is short, who gives a fuck. This is made worse by the fact that this is the exact feud they just did with Daniel and Cass to little effect. Do they watch their own shows?
Winner: Finn got the win with a small package to make himself seem more like a fluke.
- Meanwhile, the Bludgeon Brothers attack Hell No in the back and injure Kane’s knee. In my head I thought Hogan would replace Kane, little did I know that they wouldn’t do anything near that interesting.
Match 3: Smackdown Women’s Championship/ James Ellsworth in a shark cage
(C) Carmella vs Asuka
Notes and Opinion: This was a complete and total shit show. They have turned the bad ass, undefeated and talented Asuka into a buffoon with no signs of her learning anything. If they were doing this to put over anyone talented in the ring it’s one thing, but Carmella has shown zero in ring improvement. I just don’t understand the way they think sometimes. What a waste of a Royal Rumble this year was.
Winner: Carmella retained after Asuka fucking ignored her for 5 minutes again and she got her face rammed into a cage.
- Asuka beat everyone up after the match, but who gives a shit that a loser does anything? Fuck this program.
Match 4: United States Championship
(C) Jeff Hardy vs Shinsuke Nakamura
Notes and Opinion: I love the result and I wasn’t expecting much of this anyway.
Winner: Shinsuke got the win after a ball shot on Jeff before the bell and a Kinshasa. NEW CHAMPION!
- Randy Orton makes his grand return after the match and also makes Jeff hardy wish he wore a cup. damn Jeff. Wonder if someone failed another wellness test.
Match 5: Steel Cage
Braun Strowman vs Kevin Owens
Notes and Opinion: Does anyone else remember when KO wasn’t portrayed as a fucking coward, just opportunistic? Me either. Braun had to goad him into a fight and then it was still all Braun making him look like shit. KO did manage to pull out some attitude era greatest hits with the Stunner, suck it and sick Mankind bump. Yeah there was a crash pad, so fucking what naysayers, you wouldn’t take that bump. The brother is 300 lbs and deserves mad respect for taking that shit. Match was nothing special up to that point.
Winner: Kevin Owens escaped the cage first by being thrown off it by a lunatic.
Match 6: Smackdown Tag Team Championship
(C) The Bludgeon Brothers vs Daniel Bryan & Kane
Notes and Opinion: Remember earlier how I thought they may do something interesting about the Kane situation? Nope, basic 2 on 1 babyface trying to survive match until Kane hobbled his mayoral ass down to the ring. This was a TV match and nothing more. Also apparently fuck Daniel Bryan for people liking him. They have someone that special and use him like this? I hope they choke on that billion dollars from FOX.
Winner: BB’s get the win after the double powerbomb deal on Bryan.
- The B-Team tries to recruit Roman. Not sure why, they can win the big one.
Match 7: Single
Roman Reigns vs Bobby Lashley
Notes and Opinion: The match was actually pretty good, one of the best of the night, but the crowd didn’t care. I don’t hate Roman like most folks so the fact that he jobs out again doesn’t give me great joy or anything. I really think he shouldn’t have lost a single match since the GRR and took the title off Brock at Summer Slam. I’ll settle for Lashley and Brock if that’s where they are going, hell, make it a shoot fight.
Winner: Bobby got the win on
Lex Luger Roman with the spear.
Match 8: RAW Women’s Championship/Extreme Rules
(C) Alexa Bliss with Mickie James vs Nia Jax with Natalya
Notes and Opinion: How is 5 foot tall Alexa Bliss able to seemingly dominate every match with a monster? Did Nia even fucking swing a weapon? Also, apparently WWE is just like the UFC and if you accidentally brush up against Ronda she goes down for twenty minutes. I mean what the actual fuck are they doing? I get it Ronda vs Bliss for Summer Slam but do they have to make everyone (not Alexa) look like shit on the way there?
Winner: Alexa got the win with a DDT on a chair because the babyface side of the match is full of moron pussies.
Match 9: WWE Championship
(C) AJ Styles vs Rusev with Aiden English
Notes and Opinion: I liked this one. It wasn’t spectacular but it told a decent story and neither man looked like a complete idiot in the execution. Rusev still looks good because he was injured and the finish can be blamed on English. AJ still looks good because he overcame the odds and got another win over a monster. Sad to say that all it took for me to not shit on this match was something so simple as to not actively hate the story, but it is what it is. Now AJ can lose the belt to heel Randy Orton at Summer Slam. Ugh.
Winner: AJ got the win with the forearm.
Match 10: Intercontinental Championship/30 minute Iron Man
(C) Dolph Ziggler with Drew McIntyre vs Seth Rollins
Notes and Opinion: I wanted to like this more than I did. It was good, had a unique story for the Iron Man deal and had it’s moments but it just lacked something. Both guys seemed like they had one more gear to hit and didn’t just quite get there. As far as IC Title matches I didn’t like it as much as the Miz vs Dolph career match. Miz is no Rollins so this should have easily been better than that but it never got there. The ending killed any good will that I or the crowd might have had left for this show as well. Mediocrity all around.
Winner: Dolph got the Zig Zag in overtime after a Drew distraction.
Overall Thoughts: Holy shit did they screw the fucking pooch on this show. I wasn’t super excited about it coming in but it had potential to at least be decent. It wasn’t. With the talent they have in this company we should be getting blow away shows on PPV and because of the booking it just isn’t happening. They can do better and that’s what really pisses me off. Do better, don’t settle. Don’t make it so easy for people like me to mock your product, most of us truly don’t want to, we want to LIKE something we spend 5 hours watching you schmucks. In conclusion, if you love mediocrity and wrestlers looking bad due to the decisions of people that clearly don’t give a fuck about the fans then this is the show for you.
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